As I came in to the maths lesson an old man was standing on the far side of the room near a desk. In the middle of the wall between him and the entrance door was the blackboard.
He was old, quite old indeed when I looked at him. Yet around him was a sense of vigour and enthusiasm.
As the last boy sat down at his desk the old man walked towards the door. Or did he limp. No it was that one of his legs did not bend properly so he swivelled it aroudn as though it was a wooden leg.
To my surprise with this same "wooden" leg he applied a hefty kick to the door so that it slammed shut. From a man some eighty years old it showed style.
"I am Colonel Septimus. I can't stand foweigners and idiots. You must realise that Maths is the gweatest subject"
He had a very forceful tone. There was a twinkle in his eye. he turned to the baord and began to write his first maths equations.
During the lesson he established his main technique - that of posing problems that we had to try to solve whilst he sat at his desk and waited. each pupil would come up in turn and would show their exercise book to him and he would mark it correct or otherwise, grumpily.
"When you are doing Maths at University..." he would often say as he started a sentence, or "when you are doing A level Maths".
he was a powerful personality, and fun. I liked him and I left the lesson feeling better in myself.
Monday, 12 November 2007
Mr Runner leaves
Runner had left the classroom and the sense of tension slowly fell away.
I was in a daze. What could he mean by "an essay on nothing". My previous experience of school had never prepared me for such a philosophical idea. Or was it philosophy. Certainly my head was swimming.
The boys, released from the dread of this fierce schoolmaster, rapidly returned to their accustomed air of cynical superiority. As they began to file out of the classroom they used the demeaning nickname that had been given to the teacher. he was known as "Zit" Runner, due to his complexion.
Zit is awful
Yeah, I hate Zit
etc. etc.
I asked one of the kinder boys to give me a hint for what this essay was about. The only idea I got was to describe a vacuum.
Academic terror was descending upon me - a terror with at its origin a complete lack of comprehension for what was going on. IN my last school the essay title might have been "describe an experience of being lost in a forest" and the teacher would have taught us at length how to sue metaphors and similes to achieve this. Then we would be given a fixed half hour period in which to do this prep (at 7-7.30 pm) at the end of which our exercise books were collected.
Here at Goring in almost my first lesson i had been given an essay with an impossible title, with no indication of how I was to write it, with no idea of technique, length or limit, and with no fixed period in which to do it. I could feel that I was completely out of my depth. At that moment it was a feeling for the future. I could delay the moment when I would actually have to try to write this essay. But like water on top of a hot curry, it only made the experience hotter.
Outside the classroom, the corridoor was full of pupil traffic and trudged off reluctant to my next lesson, Maths with Colonel Septimus.
I was in a daze. What could he mean by "an essay on nothing". My previous experience of school had never prepared me for such a philosophical idea. Or was it philosophy. Certainly my head was swimming.
The boys, released from the dread of this fierce schoolmaster, rapidly returned to their accustomed air of cynical superiority. As they began to file out of the classroom they used the demeaning nickname that had been given to the teacher. he was known as "Zit" Runner, due to his complexion.
Zit is awful
Yeah, I hate Zit
etc. etc.
I asked one of the kinder boys to give me a hint for what this essay was about. The only idea I got was to describe a vacuum.
Academic terror was descending upon me - a terror with at its origin a complete lack of comprehension for what was going on. IN my last school the essay title might have been "describe an experience of being lost in a forest" and the teacher would have taught us at length how to sue metaphors and similes to achieve this. Then we would be given a fixed half hour period in which to do this prep (at 7-7.30 pm) at the end of which our exercise books were collected.
Here at Goring in almost my first lesson i had been given an essay with an impossible title, with no indication of how I was to write it, with no idea of technique, length or limit, and with no fixed period in which to do it. I could feel that I was completely out of my depth. At that moment it was a feeling for the future. I could delay the moment when I would actually have to try to write this essay. But like water on top of a hot curry, it only made the experience hotter.
Outside the classroom, the corridoor was full of pupil traffic and trudged off reluctant to my next lesson, Maths with Colonel Septimus.
Tuesday, 6 November 2007
Hugh's first english lesson
Hugh picked up his books from his carol. For the first english lesson he needed only his file.
It was not far to the English block. The small timid boy walked through the stone archway that lead to the corridoor and then throught the wooden swing doors into the corridoor itself. An acrid smell rose into his nostrils, the smell of the lavatories that were opposite the classroom. The smell of the blue squares of deodorising chemical that sat in the urinals was pungent and yet mixed with the odour of decay and menace that only can exist in the male loos of an institution.
Hugh walked further on the corridoor passing the second set of doors that led to these loos (there was a door at either end of these particular loos) until he located classroom 6 where he was due to have his first lesson.
Inside this room a man was sitting at the front. He was neither tall nor small. He was not fat nor slight. Yet he was striking. The room was silent. Boys who might have been bositerous in other classes sat quietly at their place at the tables.
Most striking was his face and then his posture. His face was pock marked and greasy. A complacent, half mocking smile spread across his features. A smirk might better describe it. Over his eyes were a pair of rectangular glasses. His eyes bulged out from these. From behind his smirk a menacing authority seem to hang in the room. He looked a little like a man who might have been in the Gestapo - "we have ways of making you talk".
In his chair he leaned back, both hands were behind his head with the palms inwards, fingers interlinked. His right leg was crossed over his right but with the shoe close to this left knee. The look in his eye, the language of his body seemed to say, "I know everything, you know nothing, you little worm".
The last boy came into the class. no one was late. The man's reputation preceeded him.
Silence.
The master did not rise from his seat but suddenly his voice rung out with a crystal authority, much more impressive to Hugh than if the man had jumped up and shouted.
"I am Mr. Runner. You will not talk in my class unless I ask you to. You will not eat. You will not drink. You will not whisper. You will not spit. You will not chew. You will not smoke. These are the rules. if you disobey them you will be punished." The last he said with a smile full of threat. No-one spoke. "is that clear?" the question was evidently not to be answered. No one did so. "Good" he said.
"Right, tell me your names."
Then he covered off the admin - with each pupil in turn coming under his questioning. He asked mostly admin questions:
"Name?" -
"Brown, Sir"
"House and Number? Just give the initial of the house"
"B 617, Sir"
"You a scholar?"
"Yes, Sir"
"Which one?"
"4th Scholar, Sir"
"Tutor?..."
"Mr. Lennox, Sir"
And so it continued. When he came to one large heavy featured black haired boy he paused after asking him the usual questions.
"Are you a Yank, Metzig?" he said
"No, Sir," said the large boy in a North American accent, "I am canadian"
"Good. As long as you are not a yank. Can't stand Yanks."
The admin over, Mr Runner turned to the class.
"Clever boys are you, eh?" he began, "well I have a task for you. For next lesson you will write me an essay. I want you to write me an essay on nothing"
Pause. an intake of breath. a nervous boy put up his hand,
"Yes," said Runner fully aware that such a bizarre statement would bring about this reaction.
"Sorry, Sir, I don't understand the title."
But there was to be no mercy. "Nothing," he said. "Write an essay on Nothing."
A second shimmer of disorientation ran through the assembled pupils. Another hand rose, "how long should it be, Sir?"
"How long is a piece of string?" came the rejoinder.
And Mr Runner strode out of the room, the harsh electric bell ringing in the ears of the boys. The same complacent grin was on his face. "I know everything, you know nothing."
It was not far to the English block. The small timid boy walked through the stone archway that lead to the corridoor and then throught the wooden swing doors into the corridoor itself. An acrid smell rose into his nostrils, the smell of the lavatories that were opposite the classroom. The smell of the blue squares of deodorising chemical that sat in the urinals was pungent and yet mixed with the odour of decay and menace that only can exist in the male loos of an institution.
Hugh walked further on the corridoor passing the second set of doors that led to these loos (there was a door at either end of these particular loos) until he located classroom 6 where he was due to have his first lesson.
Inside this room a man was sitting at the front. He was neither tall nor small. He was not fat nor slight. Yet he was striking. The room was silent. Boys who might have been bositerous in other classes sat quietly at their place at the tables.
Most striking was his face and then his posture. His face was pock marked and greasy. A complacent, half mocking smile spread across his features. A smirk might better describe it. Over his eyes were a pair of rectangular glasses. His eyes bulged out from these. From behind his smirk a menacing authority seem to hang in the room. He looked a little like a man who might have been in the Gestapo - "we have ways of making you talk".
In his chair he leaned back, both hands were behind his head with the palms inwards, fingers interlinked. His right leg was crossed over his right but with the shoe close to this left knee. The look in his eye, the language of his body seemed to say, "I know everything, you know nothing, you little worm".
The last boy came into the class. no one was late. The man's reputation preceeded him.
Silence.
The master did not rise from his seat but suddenly his voice rung out with a crystal authority, much more impressive to Hugh than if the man had jumped up and shouted.
"I am Mr. Runner. You will not talk in my class unless I ask you to. You will not eat. You will not drink. You will not whisper. You will not spit. You will not chew. You will not smoke. These are the rules. if you disobey them you will be punished." The last he said with a smile full of threat. No-one spoke. "is that clear?" the question was evidently not to be answered. No one did so. "Good" he said.
"Right, tell me your names."
Then he covered off the admin - with each pupil in turn coming under his questioning. He asked mostly admin questions:
"Name?" -
"Brown, Sir"
"House and Number? Just give the initial of the house"
"B 617, Sir"
"You a scholar?"
"Yes, Sir"
"Which one?"
"4th Scholar, Sir"
"Tutor?..."
"Mr. Lennox, Sir"
And so it continued. When he came to one large heavy featured black haired boy he paused after asking him the usual questions.
"Are you a Yank, Metzig?" he said
"No, Sir," said the large boy in a North American accent, "I am canadian"
"Good. As long as you are not a yank. Can't stand Yanks."
The admin over, Mr Runner turned to the class.
"Clever boys are you, eh?" he began, "well I have a task for you. For next lesson you will write me an essay. I want you to write me an essay on nothing"
Pause. an intake of breath. a nervous boy put up his hand,
"Yes," said Runner fully aware that such a bizarre statement would bring about this reaction.
"Sorry, Sir, I don't understand the title."
But there was to be no mercy. "Nothing," he said. "Write an essay on Nothing."
A second shimmer of disorientation ran through the assembled pupils. Another hand rose, "how long should it be, Sir?"
"How long is a piece of string?" came the rejoinder.
And Mr Runner strode out of the room, the harsh electric bell ringing in the ears of the boys. The same complacent grin was on his face. "I know everything, you know nothing."
Thursday, 1 November 2007
title
Lord of the Flies
Survival of the Fittest - English Public School - Darwinism in action
Suffer the little children
Suffer the adolescents
Hugh Brown's school days
Survival of the Fittest - English Public School - Darwinism in action
Suffer the little children
Suffer the adolescents
Hugh Brown's school days
continued from last
So then I went off down the lonely hill to my lessons. The path down the hill started with a tarmac path. As it became steeper it turned into large horizontal slabs of concrete which were laid down as long steps. They were pale coloured and ugly and I remember them as always having a decent deposit of white phlegm splodges. These had been hawked up and deposited there by the "slob" lads (of all age groups).
I remember lessons as being very hard when I arrived and I was keen to get to the break at 1040.
To signal the break between lessons an electric bell rang out, a harsh unhuman sound.
To my astonsishment I found that at the break time there was no refreshment laid on by the school and one had instead to buy ones own sweets / drinks etc. from the tuck shop. This was so popular a desire that the queue was terrible, involving an unpleasant scrum to get to the front. As with all other areas of Goring life, the smallest / youngest lost out in these situations.
Then the bell rang and it was back to the next lesson, before which a rush to get the relevant books form the carols.
I remember lessons as being very hard when I arrived and I was keen to get to the break at 1040.
To signal the break between lessons an electric bell rang out, a harsh unhuman sound.
To my astonsishment I found that at the break time there was no refreshment laid on by the school and one had instead to buy ones own sweets / drinks etc. from the tuck shop. This was so popular a desire that the queue was terrible, involving an unpleasant scrum to get to the front. As with all other areas of Goring life, the smallest / youngest lost out in these situations.
Then the bell rang and it was back to the next lesson, before which a rush to get the relevant books form the carols.
Monday, 29 October 2007
Living the daily rhythm, morning till elevenses
Clap... clap.... clap.... the double doors of the dorm swung open. From many beds issued forth unwilling groans. The keen boys had already got up some 5 or ten minutes before so that they could get a place in the showers.
Some boys got up at that point and wandered off to the showers where there was already a queue. Some boys did not take a shower but most did. Not to be seen washing (very) frequently was to be considered "skeggy" and to invite much abusive mockery.
At first I was one of the boys who got up at the wake up call and would spend miserable minutes waiting in the showeres queue, having to give way to those in senior years who came.
Then I got dressed. I put on a striped shirt and a dark blue jumper and some indifferent chords. After this, down to breakfast.
Breakfast was different from other meals as it was self service. Cereals were laid out and we helped ourselves. Then a cooked breakfast was brought. This was often Bacon with fried bread and tinned tomatoes. I loved this bacon an tomatoes and would frequently help myself to many rounds of it in later times. But when I started at Goring I was too timid to do this. Another difference to lunch and supper was that the start and finish did not occur with the housemaster's bell and grace. The boys came in when they wanted (within the breakfast time given in the schedule) and left when they wanted.
After finishing I went back up to my bedspace in the dorm (this was the nearest thing I had to a personal area in the house) and got my stuff together ready for the first classes. Then the bell rang for house prayers in the common room. The inmates all came down for this. At the end of the prayers was a time of great excitment for me. It was when the housemaster handed out the mail that had arrived that morning. He read out each name on eac letter in turn. This was a good way for him to check if a boy had been absent from prayers.
Then off I went down to the main school for the first classes. next to the main school was a small building in which where the "carols". This was where each junior boy had his individual desk for prep periods and keeping his books etc. So I came there first to gather any other things I needed then I went off to the classroom.
Some boys got up at that point and wandered off to the showers where there was already a queue. Some boys did not take a shower but most did. Not to be seen washing (very) frequently was to be considered "skeggy" and to invite much abusive mockery.
At first I was one of the boys who got up at the wake up call and would spend miserable minutes waiting in the showeres queue, having to give way to those in senior years who came.
Then I got dressed. I put on a striped shirt and a dark blue jumper and some indifferent chords. After this, down to breakfast.
Breakfast was different from other meals as it was self service. Cereals were laid out and we helped ourselves. Then a cooked breakfast was brought. This was often Bacon with fried bread and tinned tomatoes. I loved this bacon an tomatoes and would frequently help myself to many rounds of it in later times. But when I started at Goring I was too timid to do this. Another difference to lunch and supper was that the start and finish did not occur with the housemaster's bell and grace. The boys came in when they wanted (within the breakfast time given in the schedule) and left when they wanted.
After finishing I went back up to my bedspace in the dorm (this was the nearest thing I had to a personal area in the house) and got my stuff together ready for the first classes. Then the bell rang for house prayers in the common room. The inmates all came down for this. At the end of the prayers was a time of great excitment for me. It was when the housemaster handed out the mail that had arrived that morning. He read out each name on eac letter in turn. This was a good way for him to check if a boy had been absent from prayers.
Then off I went down to the main school for the first classes. next to the main school was a small building in which where the "carols". This was where each junior boy had his individual desk for prep periods and keeping his books etc. So I came there first to gather any other things I needed then I went off to the classroom.
Saturday, 27 October 2007
Weekday Rhythm
The weekday rhythm ran as follows:
7.25 Wake Up call - the double doors in the dorm swung open, the lights were turned on or the person doing wake up would clap his hands mournfully a few times.
7.30 Showers
7.45 Breakfast
8.15 Prayers
8.40 Lessons x 3 - 40 mins long each
10.40 Break
11.05 Lessons x 2
12.25 Pre Lunch Prep period
1. pm Lunch
2. pm - 3.30 pm Games (or other afteroon activities)
3.30 back in the house to wash and change after games
4. pm Tea
4.40 pm Lessons x 2
6 pm - 7.30 pm Evening prep period in the "carols"
7.30 pm Supper
8.15 -9.30 pm evening free period
9.30 prayers, then changing, washing etc. getting into bed
10.15 lights out double doors close
7.25 Wake Up call - the double doors in the dorm swung open, the lights were turned on or the person doing wake up would clap his hands mournfully a few times.
7.30 Showers
7.45 Breakfast
8.15 Prayers
8.40 Lessons x 3 - 40 mins long each
10.40 Break
11.05 Lessons x 2
12.25 Pre Lunch Prep period
1. pm Lunch
2. pm - 3.30 pm Games (or other afteroon activities)
3.30 back in the house to wash and change after games
4. pm Tea
4.40 pm Lessons x 2
6 pm - 7.30 pm Evening prep period in the "carols"
7.30 pm Supper
8.15 -9.30 pm evening free period
9.30 prayers, then changing, washing etc. getting into bed
10.15 lights out double doors close
Friday, 26 October 2007
The end of innocence
"Ralph wept... for the dark heart of Man and the fall of the one true friend, Piggy."
I sat in the train and for the first time realised that this was it. I was finally off to the big school - public school, Goring.
I was 13 years old. I was small, very small - less than 5 foot tall. I sat lonely on my chair in the train, an insecure child, pre-pubescent, desiring kindness and intimacy.
An ache was in my chest. Something was dying within me. Was it my heart? No, not yet. Was it the death of innocence? No, it was not something directly philospohical. It was not a principle. It was an emotion. It was the death of happiness, simply happiness. I had been happy.
Now I sat on a train and I knew that it bore me to a new land. It bore me to a world of abuse and mockery. It bore me to where the "me"-ness of me was not welcome, was perhaps even to be despised. It bore me to a land where the bully walked dominant, supreme, where the only principle left was survival.
The messenger shares in the news he brings and this was true of the train. Even the station as I came to it seemed dark and sad. But the train itself was touched with cruelty. It bore me on, as in a dark vacuum, an emptiness. There was no kindness in that train. But there were the boys, the boys of Goring already there, already in groups, already in mocking groups, with their conventions of harsh language.
So I sat alone, in a lonely place, my chest aching. Despite all this I was still hoping the journey would never end. But it did.
And so the journey of survival was to begin. It was to last 5 years.
I sat in the train and for the first time realised that this was it. I was finally off to the big school - public school, Goring.
I was 13 years old. I was small, very small - less than 5 foot tall. I sat lonely on my chair in the train, an insecure child, pre-pubescent, desiring kindness and intimacy.
An ache was in my chest. Something was dying within me. Was it my heart? No, not yet. Was it the death of innocence? No, it was not something directly philospohical. It was not a principle. It was an emotion. It was the death of happiness, simply happiness. I had been happy.
Now I sat on a train and I knew that it bore me to a new land. It bore me to a world of abuse and mockery. It bore me to where the "me"-ness of me was not welcome, was perhaps even to be despised. It bore me to a land where the bully walked dominant, supreme, where the only principle left was survival.
The messenger shares in the news he brings and this was true of the train. Even the station as I came to it seemed dark and sad. But the train itself was touched with cruelty. It bore me on, as in a dark vacuum, an emptiness. There was no kindness in that train. But there were the boys, the boys of Goring already there, already in groups, already in mocking groups, with their conventions of harsh language.
So I sat alone, in a lonely place, my chest aching. Despite all this I was still hoping the journey would never end. But it did.
And so the journey of survival was to begin. It was to last 5 years.
First Floor / second floor
The second floor was an exact copy of the fisrt floor in terms of architecture. The use was slightly different, as follows:
The room next to the dorm on the first landing was the housemaster's bedroom.
The Dorm was for the first years
On the sixth form corridoor the housemaster had his own small shower room.
Through the door at the far end of the sixth form corridoor was the laundry room where the laundry lady sat on certain days. Junior would therefore go along this corridoor to get their laundry.
And I think that describes the whole house.
The room next to the dorm on the first landing was the housemaster's bedroom.
The Dorm was for the first years
On the sixth form corridoor the housemaster had his own small shower room.
Through the door at the far end of the sixth form corridoor was the laundry room where the laundry lady sat on certain days. Junior would therefore go along this corridoor to get their laundry.
And I think that describes the whole house.
Sixth Form corridoor
along from the loos and washrooms was the sixth form corridoor. On the left side as one entered (the north side) was a small washroom for the sixth formers and then the showers - which were for both sixth formers and juniors.
On the same side was then a kitchenette where the sixth formeres could make themselves coffee, 1 x small room and 1 x larger room, used as a double room for fourth years to share. On the right hand (looking south) side were two smaller rooms, followed by one larger room for the head of house , then another small single room, then another larger room for sharing.
This corridoor had the mystique of the sixth form about it and seemed a nicer part of the house.
On the same side was then a kitchenette where the sixth formeres could make themselves coffee, 1 x small room and 1 x larger room, used as a double room for fourth years to share. On the right hand (looking south) side were two smaller rooms, followed by one larger room for the head of house , then another small single room, then another larger room for sharing.
This corridoor had the mystique of the sixth form about it and seemed a nicer part of the house.
The Loos
The Loss, lavatories, toilets... were next to the washrooms.
Theses were particularly grim. They had dark stone (concrete?) floors. I remember them as being very cold. The windows were kept open and there was often a dripping sound.
The Loos had two urinals and opposite these three seat cubicles. These cubicles had gaps at the top and the bottom of the doors.
The urinals themselves were often very unclean. i do not remember any one cleaning them and with 60 boys using them this meant that they were often filthy, especially round the side and underneath, on the walls.
The seat loo cubicles were very upleasant. They were bitter cold - a most unattractive place. The boys also had an unpleasant attitude towards them. For example if it was noticed that a boy had been on the loo for some time, it would be presumed he was "wanking" and then another boy would go and try to bust him so doing by getting a chair to stand on so as to look over the top of the cubicle. Loos were considered a favoured place for masturbation as the boy could not be so easily seen doing this as in the dorm. Also the back of the loo casement (or inside it) was often used to hide pornographic magazines.
I hated using the loo cubicles and would try to find other places in the school to carry out this most essential of activities where one can feel so vulnerable.
Theses were particularly grim. They had dark stone (concrete?) floors. I remember them as being very cold. The windows were kept open and there was often a dripping sound.
The Loos had two urinals and opposite these three seat cubicles. These cubicles had gaps at the top and the bottom of the doors.
The urinals themselves were often very unclean. i do not remember any one cleaning them and with 60 boys using them this meant that they were often filthy, especially round the side and underneath, on the walls.
The seat loo cubicles were very upleasant. They were bitter cold - a most unattractive place. The boys also had an unpleasant attitude towards them. For example if it was noticed that a boy had been on the loo for some time, it would be presumed he was "wanking" and then another boy would go and try to bust him so doing by getting a chair to stand on so as to look over the top of the cubicle. Loos were considered a favoured place for masturbation as the boy could not be so easily seen doing this as in the dorm. Also the back of the loo casement (or inside it) was often used to hide pornographic magazines.
I hated using the loo cubicles and would try to find other places in the school to carry out this most essential of activities where one can feel so vulnerable.
internal architecture - washrooms
I need to put in some diagrams for this section. It would be easier to explain with a floor plan.
Going up the central staircase there was a first landing - off from this came (1) the dormitory for the third years and second years and (2)a small room on the side (looking south) which was for a sixth former. This latter room was considered the worst room to have for the sixth former as it was not on the sixth form corridoor.
Up a few steps from herer was the next landing. Immediately in front of the asceding person at this point was the door to the washrooms and on the left of this (perpendicular to it) the door to the loos on that landing. Both of these rooms looked north.
Turning right on the same landing one saw the door to the sixth form corridoor. Juniors were only allowed to go into this area in order to have a shower.
The washrooms were constructed in the military style. One could perhaps say this for the whole building. Again it was an austere place, lacking in privacy. there were probably about 10 basins in it on either side of the room. The room was long and rectangular with basins opposite the door. The door was on one of the long sides of the room where the basins were - so this side had fewer basins. At the end of the room were some exposed metal bars for hanging towels. These were hot and another hot pipe ran through the room under some of the basins, making it thus a warmer room than the dormitories.
It was not a pleasant place. It had the same hard square metal white windows as for teh rest of the rooms described. Also it was north facing and dark. However I do not associate this area as one where the bullying or fear atmosphere was so strong - unlike the dormitories. Only when the "water game" was played do I remember this place as havingmore sinister associations.
Going up the central staircase there was a first landing - off from this came (1) the dormitory for the third years and second years and (2)a small room on the side (looking south) which was for a sixth former. This latter room was considered the worst room to have for the sixth former as it was not on the sixth form corridoor.
Up a few steps from herer was the next landing. Immediately in front of the asceding person at this point was the door to the washrooms and on the left of this (perpendicular to it) the door to the loos on that landing. Both of these rooms looked north.
Turning right on the same landing one saw the door to the sixth form corridoor. Juniors were only allowed to go into this area in order to have a shower.
The washrooms were constructed in the military style. One could perhaps say this for the whole building. Again it was an austere place, lacking in privacy. there were probably about 10 basins in it on either side of the room. The room was long and rectangular with basins opposite the door. The door was on one of the long sides of the room where the basins were - so this side had fewer basins. At the end of the room were some exposed metal bars for hanging towels. These were hot and another hot pipe ran through the room under some of the basins, making it thus a warmer room than the dormitories.
It was not a pleasant place. It had the same hard square metal white windows as for teh rest of the rooms described. Also it was north facing and dark. However I do not associate this area as one where the bullying or fear atmosphere was so strong - unlike the dormitories. Only when the "water game" was played do I remember this place as havingmore sinister associations.
Thursday, 25 October 2007
Internal Architecture - The Dormitories
When I arrived I had to go up two flights of stairs to get to my dormitory.
It had two heavy wooden swinging doors at the entrance. these were swung backwards during the day so that the dormitory was viewable from the staircase / landing.
Inside was a large room in the shape of a rectangle it had large metal white windows on both sides of its length (looking north and south) and a door at the far end which could be used for fire escape. Either side of this door were two large windows looking west, under which were two single beds.
Stark white lights hung from the ceiling. At each corner of the room was a single bed with quite a lot of space around it. these were the beds of the "dorm pigs". They had space privileges and were also allowed to have a small desk at their bed space area. they effectively had more privacy. When I arrived I found that from these areas arose the aura of menace, the menace of the bully.
In the middle of the dormitory were the beds for the first years and about one third of the second years. there were about 20 boys sleeping in this dorm.
There was so little space for such a large number of boys that the juniors were put in bunk beds. there must have been some eight of these containing 16 children. It was from a top bunk bed that I remememebr watching the torch lights flashing as a first year tried to make it across the dorm without being spotted.
Next to the bunk beds we each had a dull brown coloured chest of drawers for our clothes. In these dormitories there was no privacy for the juniors. we could never escape the eyes of all the others. Anyone could approach me to bully physically or mock and there was no place to which to escape to an intimate area. The dormitory was a place where a boy was under constant scrutiny from the others.
Perhaps that was a key part of the misery of the Goring experience - there was no intimacy possible, as there was no intimate space.
The floor of the dorm was the same as that of the common room - thin dull coloured wood planking. The dorm was a cold hard place. I remember it as physically cold. Above the large main windows were smaller windows which could be opened by pulling a string that hung down. This swung them open so that the small window pane was in the horizontal. These were mostly left open ensuring that the room was aired - and often cold.
Although they had a large south facing side, I cannot remember those dormitories ever having sun in them.
It had two heavy wooden swinging doors at the entrance. these were swung backwards during the day so that the dormitory was viewable from the staircase / landing.
Inside was a large room in the shape of a rectangle it had large metal white windows on both sides of its length (looking north and south) and a door at the far end which could be used for fire escape. Either side of this door were two large windows looking west, under which were two single beds.
Stark white lights hung from the ceiling. At each corner of the room was a single bed with quite a lot of space around it. these were the beds of the "dorm pigs". They had space privileges and were also allowed to have a small desk at their bed space area. they effectively had more privacy. When I arrived I found that from these areas arose the aura of menace, the menace of the bully.
In the middle of the dormitory were the beds for the first years and about one third of the second years. there were about 20 boys sleeping in this dorm.
There was so little space for such a large number of boys that the juniors were put in bunk beds. there must have been some eight of these containing 16 children. It was from a top bunk bed that I remememebr watching the torch lights flashing as a first year tried to make it across the dorm without being spotted.
Next to the bunk beds we each had a dull brown coloured chest of drawers for our clothes. In these dormitories there was no privacy for the juniors. we could never escape the eyes of all the others. Anyone could approach me to bully physically or mock and there was no place to which to escape to an intimate area. The dormitory was a place where a boy was under constant scrutiny from the others.
Perhaps that was a key part of the misery of the Goring experience - there was no intimacy possible, as there was no intimate space.
The floor of the dorm was the same as that of the common room - thin dull coloured wood planking. The dorm was a cold hard place. I remember it as physically cold. Above the large main windows were smaller windows which could be opened by pulling a string that hung down. This swung them open so that the small window pane was in the horizontal. These were mostly left open ensuring that the room was aired - and often cold.
Although they had a large south facing side, I cannot remember those dormitories ever having sun in them.
Monday, 22 October 2007
Internal house architecture - the staircase
Up that hard square staircase and I came to the grimmest place of all - the dormitories.
A little more on the staircase. I remember it as a key area of emotional bleakness and fear. It was an area where I was forced to pass by many persons who filled me with fear - large, threatening. There was no escape. It led to and from doleful places and shared in this dolefulness.
I remember in my first year one of the fourth years approaching me, he descending, I ascending. He was a boy with an especially threatening look in his eye. I remember his hair as being black and stiff, cut short in a "flat top". Around him was a sense of menace. He seemed very large but that was due to my small size at the time (I have seen him since and he is not a large man). I was passing him on the stairs when suddenly he turned to me and with considerable violence yanked me up to his level by jabbing his fingers under my armpits and gripping my body. He thrust me against the wall and said, with venom, "you little rat". Then he let go and walked away. His doing this had no precedent - in general the sixth formers had no doings with the juniors (third years and below).
One of the threats of the bullies was to grab a victim (normally a first year) and hold him upside down by his legs over the staircase from the top floor. We were told that in the past the person doing this would drop the child and another big boy would catch him at the level of the next floor down (so that he did not hit the bottom and break his neck). I do not remember the 'dropping' ever happening
All the way through my time at Goring that staircase was a place of foreboding and I tried to ascend and descend it without delay. I think if I smelt it now it would bring back many mournful memories.
So to the dormitories...
A little more on the staircase. I remember it as a key area of emotional bleakness and fear. It was an area where I was forced to pass by many persons who filled me with fear - large, threatening. There was no escape. It led to and from doleful places and shared in this dolefulness.
I remember in my first year one of the fourth years approaching me, he descending, I ascending. He was a boy with an especially threatening look in his eye. I remember his hair as being black and stiff, cut short in a "flat top". Around him was a sense of menace. He seemed very large but that was due to my small size at the time (I have seen him since and he is not a large man). I was passing him on the stairs when suddenly he turned to me and with considerable violence yanked me up to his level by jabbing his fingers under my armpits and gripping my body. He thrust me against the wall and said, with venom, "you little rat". Then he let go and walked away. His doing this had no precedent - in general the sixth formers had no doings with the juniors (third years and below).
One of the threats of the bullies was to grab a victim (normally a first year) and hold him upside down by his legs over the staircase from the top floor. We were told that in the past the person doing this would drop the child and another big boy would catch him at the level of the next floor down (so that he did not hit the bottom and break his neck). I do not remember the 'dropping' ever happening
All the way through my time at Goring that staircase was a place of foreboding and I tried to ascend and descend it without delay. I think if I smelt it now it would bring back many mournful memories.
So to the dormitories...
The House building - internal architecture, ground floor
The atmosphere in the school, and above all in the house, was of something grim, hard, a place where compassion had no place.
I remember it so strongly in those early days: the wooden floor of the front entrance area with its thin, colourless planking, the harsh smell of rugby boots in the boot room next to the main door, the square, hard staircase leading up to the dormitories, the white-painted metal frames of the large rectangular windows of the refectory.
The entrance to the house was north facing and was thus mostly in shadow. On this side came out the smells of the kitchen. And so I was greeted by a grim, grey edifice over three stories rising from the hill, smelling of grease.
The lights in the house were not comforting. I remember no soft light in the house, no soft light to be seen as one approached the building.
Probably the most human (humane?) room of the house was that of the housemaster. It had darker brown wood, many books on its shelves, a large fine work desk, a pleasant coffee table, a mellow lamp on the same desk where the housemaster sat.
However it was not a large room and there were only select times when we were allowed in it (eg just after lunch). Also the sesne of pressure at being in the same room with the housemaster made being there uncomfortable for this reason. After all it was the place where punishments were given out etc.
And there was the ever present boy-culture-peer-pressure which would never have allowed a boy to have spent much of his available time in the room of the housemaster - unless he had a very strong character (this is a general qualification of these memoirs - I hardly ever came across such a person).
The Common room was large and I would say without atmosphere. It was a large rectangle wherein all the boys could fit (for prayers, house meetings etc.). As in the rest of the house the lights were harsh, strong white lights in the ceiling. I remember no lamp. There was a Television in the far corner from the entrance door. The boys were allowed to switch this on and watch it after lunch before games (at c 1.30 pm - 2 pm) and after supper (at c 8.30 pm) until prayers at 9.30 pm.
The room had no attraction as a room. It was not cosy, it was not private. It only made sense to be there for house meetings and to watch television. I remember it as a peculiarly comfortless place
The refectory did not have pleasant architecture. However, after the housemaster's room, it was one the most pleasant room to be in. This was for one reason. It was south facing and had large windows that let in a lot of light. The high emotional pressure of meal times in the first year meant that it was a very unpleasant place at that time. But I remember a few pleasant meals there in my last year. The tables were plain but the top table, where the housemaster and the top year sat was, if I remember rightly, a more noble piece of wood and had some nice ornaments associated with the housemaster.
I remember it so strongly in those early days: the wooden floor of the front entrance area with its thin, colourless planking, the harsh smell of rugby boots in the boot room next to the main door, the square, hard staircase leading up to the dormitories, the white-painted metal frames of the large rectangular windows of the refectory.
The entrance to the house was north facing and was thus mostly in shadow. On this side came out the smells of the kitchen. And so I was greeted by a grim, grey edifice over three stories rising from the hill, smelling of grease.
The lights in the house were not comforting. I remember no soft light in the house, no soft light to be seen as one approached the building.
Probably the most human (humane?) room of the house was that of the housemaster. It had darker brown wood, many books on its shelves, a large fine work desk, a pleasant coffee table, a mellow lamp on the same desk where the housemaster sat.
However it was not a large room and there were only select times when we were allowed in it (eg just after lunch). Also the sesne of pressure at being in the same room with the housemaster made being there uncomfortable for this reason. After all it was the place where punishments were given out etc.
And there was the ever present boy-culture-peer-pressure which would never have allowed a boy to have spent much of his available time in the room of the housemaster - unless he had a very strong character (this is a general qualification of these memoirs - I hardly ever came across such a person).
The Common room was large and I would say without atmosphere. It was a large rectangle wherein all the boys could fit (for prayers, house meetings etc.). As in the rest of the house the lights were harsh, strong white lights in the ceiling. I remember no lamp. There was a Television in the far corner from the entrance door. The boys were allowed to switch this on and watch it after lunch before games (at c 1.30 pm - 2 pm) and after supper (at c 8.30 pm) until prayers at 9.30 pm.
The room had no attraction as a room. It was not cosy, it was not private. It only made sense to be there for house meetings and to watch television. I remember it as a peculiarly comfortless place
The refectory did not have pleasant architecture. However, after the housemaster's room, it was one the most pleasant room to be in. This was for one reason. It was south facing and had large windows that let in a lot of light. The high emotional pressure of meal times in the first year meant that it was a very unpleasant place at that time. But I remember a few pleasant meals there in my last year. The tables were plain but the top table, where the housemaster and the top year sat was, if I remember rightly, a more noble piece of wood and had some nice ornaments associated with the housemaster.
Saturday, 20 October 2007
Bullying at lunch
At house meals each year sat on a different table. However on the first year table one of the dorm monitors was also positioned. I think this must have been to "keep order".
Another opportunity to impose horrible doings on persons smaller and junior to that monitor was thus presented.
The nastiest of these bullies was Matt Pennington. To me at the time he was huge. He was perhaps six foot. I think I saw him inflict cruelty first hand more than any other.
One of his favourite tricks was to make the first years eat horrible things at the table.
I remember one lunch he took a glass of water (half-filled), then added mash potatoe and half a dispenser of white pepper and some other horrible things and mixed this all together. He then made one of the first years drink this.
I remember watching, horrified. The concoction seemed to me one which would force one to vomit straight away (I have always hated that school white pepper). I remember longing for the bell to ring for the end of lunch to end another torture session.
Another opportunity to impose horrible doings on persons smaller and junior to that monitor was thus presented.
The nastiest of these bullies was Matt Pennington. To me at the time he was huge. He was perhaps six foot. I think I saw him inflict cruelty first hand more than any other.
One of his favourite tricks was to make the first years eat horrible things at the table.
I remember one lunch he took a glass of water (half-filled), then added mash potatoe and half a dispenser of white pepper and some other horrible things and mixed this all together. He then made one of the first years drink this.
I remember watching, horrified. The concoction seemed to me one which would force one to vomit straight away (I have always hated that school white pepper). I remember longing for the bell to ring for the end of lunch to end another torture session.
Friday, 19 October 2007
Bullying - The Water Game
I remember one of the night time bullying rituals was when the dorm pigs forced the first years to play "the Water Game".
One night one of the main bullies picked out 4 first year boys and led them to the washing basins which was close to the dorms. Among them was one of my friends, Giles, who was neither square nor try hard nor lad (more on him later).
Lights out had not happened and I passed through the wash room when the "game" had started. Each boy was given a mug of water and made to drink it. Then, having drunk the first he was given a second. This carried on until the boy was so full of water that he was forced to vomit. When three of the four had vomited (each in turn dropping out) then the last one, who had not as yet vomited, was declared the winner.
My friend, Giles, was the first to drop out. He was sick after 'only' 5 mugs - and considered soft for vomitting so soon. The rest carried on. I think the last vomit hapened at 13 or 14 mugs.
I wonder what effect this had on the body. The boy who won was not considered the most fortunate as he spent most of the night sleepless, due to being up urinating.
Again, although this happened many times, I was never picked out for the "Water Game" but always watched in horror.
One night one of the main bullies picked out 4 first year boys and led them to the washing basins which was close to the dorms. Among them was one of my friends, Giles, who was neither square nor try hard nor lad (more on him later).
Lights out had not happened and I passed through the wash room when the "game" had started. Each boy was given a mug of water and made to drink it. Then, having drunk the first he was given a second. This carried on until the boy was so full of water that he was forced to vomit. When three of the four had vomited (each in turn dropping out) then the last one, who had not as yet vomited, was declared the winner.
My friend, Giles, was the first to drop out. He was sick after 'only' 5 mugs - and considered soft for vomitting so soon. The rest carried on. I think the last vomit hapened at 13 or 14 mugs.
I wonder what effect this had on the body. The boy who won was not considered the most fortunate as he spent most of the night sleepless, due to being up urinating.
Again, although this happened many times, I was never picked out for the "Water Game" but always watched in horror.
The bullies liked to bully the 'toughs'
As I was only a wee weekie type, I was not, as I noted before, singled out for the harsher bullying.
I remember that this was true for all the "squares" / "nerds" type boys. I seemed to have found myself as among these.
In fact the "lads" were especially singled out for punishment.
It showed that they were tough to be able to endure it.
It ensured the tradition - they were always told "you will do this when you are third years"
The bullies had little fear that these boys would ever "grass" - as this was the ultimate uncool thing to do.
I remember that this was true for all the "squares" / "nerds" type boys. I seemed to have found myself as among these.
In fact the "lads" were especially singled out for punishment.
It showed that they were tough to be able to endure it.
It ensured the tradition - they were always told "you will do this when you are third years"
The bullies had little fear that these boys would ever "grass" - as this was the ultimate uncool thing to do.
We were hit at night, every night
[First term]
When it came to lights out, the dorm pigs would come round to hit each one of us first years in turn.
Here, despite my smallness, I did not escape and received my punch along with the rest. I do not, however, remember this as having the particular horror of the other bullying treatments.
One of the dorm pigs used to ask us where we would like to be hit. I always took it on the left arm, near the shoulder.
Amongst this cruelty - a hilarious moment. One of our year - a very large, well built boy - with a decent layering of tub on him - asked to be punch on the bottom. The punch landed and had no impact at all. His bottom perfectly absorbed the blow, without pain. If you think about it, it works - a punch to a flabby bottom won't do much harm. After that we were not allowed to request to be punched in this area.
When it came to lights out, the dorm pigs would come round to hit each one of us first years in turn.
Here, despite my smallness, I did not escape and received my punch along with the rest. I do not, however, remember this as having the particular horror of the other bullying treatments.
One of the dorm pigs used to ask us where we would like to be hit. I always took it on the left arm, near the shoulder.
Amongst this cruelty - a hilarious moment. One of our year - a very large, well built boy - with a decent layering of tub on him - asked to be punch on the bottom. The punch landed and had no impact at all. His bottom perfectly absorbed the blow, without pain. If you think about it, it works - a punch to a flabby bottom won't do much harm. After that we were not allowed to request to be punched in this area.
First few weeks, bullying after lights out
And how did I fit in to all this, having just arrived?
My prevailing emotion was fear. I saw the huge boys in the house and feared their capacity for cruelty. I saw the boys in my year and feared that they would only want to mock me. I sometimes wonder whether these things therefore became a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Because they came true.
I was alien and seemed to have no way of fitting in. In my previous school there was no real culture to fit in to. I simply had no experience of needing to fit in to a group culture in this way.
I felt very alone.
Then came the bullying. It started to be felt most in the dormitories. It happened after lights out at 1015. At this point the dormitory doors were shut and the dorm became under the rule of the "dorm pigs".
The bullies were the dorm captains (dorm pigs). In our dorm of 20 boys there were 3 or 4 of these boys from the third year. They were most of them very big compared to me and my first year peers.
I remember one of the favourite forms of bullying was that selected first years (or one selected first year boy) was made to try to get from one end of the dorm to the other without being spotted by the "spotlight" of the dorm pigs' torches. I remember looking down from my bed (I was on a top bunk) in terror as one of my peers tried to achieve this feat. If he was caught he was given a beating. I think most were caught.
I must note at this point that I was never singled out for especial punishment / bullying of this kind. It was my position to be observer. I was tiny when I reached goring - only 4 foot 10 and the bullies clearly feared that i would not withstand the punishment - due to my smallness and weakness.
I looked on, and in so doing I was miserable. I hated it. It filled me with fear and horror. Perhaps if it had happened to me it might have been better. But I only prayed it would stop.
I have been told since that to observe the infliction of cruel (physical) treatment on another is more psychologically hurtful than receivng it directly (obviously within certain limits).
Every night I went to bed trembling with fear, hating that time.
My prevailing emotion was fear. I saw the huge boys in the house and feared their capacity for cruelty. I saw the boys in my year and feared that they would only want to mock me. I sometimes wonder whether these things therefore became a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Because they came true.
I was alien and seemed to have no way of fitting in. In my previous school there was no real culture to fit in to. I simply had no experience of needing to fit in to a group culture in this way.
I felt very alone.
Then came the bullying. It started to be felt most in the dormitories. It happened after lights out at 1015. At this point the dormitory doors were shut and the dorm became under the rule of the "dorm pigs".
The bullies were the dorm captains (dorm pigs). In our dorm of 20 boys there were 3 or 4 of these boys from the third year. They were most of them very big compared to me and my first year peers.
I remember one of the favourite forms of bullying was that selected first years (or one selected first year boy) was made to try to get from one end of the dorm to the other without being spotted by the "spotlight" of the dorm pigs' torches. I remember looking down from my bed (I was on a top bunk) in terror as one of my peers tried to achieve this feat. If he was caught he was given a beating. I think most were caught.
I must note at this point that I was never singled out for especial punishment / bullying of this kind. It was my position to be observer. I was tiny when I reached goring - only 4 foot 10 and the bullies clearly feared that i would not withstand the punishment - due to my smallness and weakness.
I looked on, and in so doing I was miserable. I hated it. It filled me with fear and horror. Perhaps if it had happened to me it might have been better. But I only prayed it would stop.
I have been told since that to observe the infliction of cruel (physical) treatment on another is more psychologically hurtful than receivng it directly (obviously within certain limits).
Every night I went to bed trembling with fear, hating that time.
Monday, 6 August 2007
Try-Hards
The Try-hard is a more amorphous person. What I mean by this statement is that there is much less of a norm which I could describe versus the "Lad".
In general the definition of a Try-Hard is that he was a boy who did not have the kudos (through sports achievement or physical size etc.) to be a "lad". However he would very much desire to be a "lad" - ie to be seen as a success by the Goring boy-culture. As such he was someone highly orientated towards the "lads" and spent much time praising the lads or, in some way, following around a lad figure.
The Lads had high social postition. As I said in my previous post they had an attitude of disdain, if not direct dislike towards the "squares" - or rejects. However they would not normally talk to these latter. The Try-Hards, however, were closer to the "squares". For example, in a physical way. In my house Each house/ year had one long table on which the geoup of c 12 boys sat. This long table was roughly divided such that the lads sat at one end (the cool end), the rejects at the opposite end ( the un-cool end) and the try-hards in the middle, thus forming a simple hierarchy of importance / space (more on tables in teh refectory later).
In order to impress the Lads the try hard would often directly mock the "squares" or in some other way make their life unpleasant, where the lads did not have such direct contact with the squares. However this fitted in with the distant 'disdain' of the lads.
Description of the Try-Hard.
My desription of the Lads (see previous post) probably covers 75% of the Lads. Any description of the Try Hard must cover much less - perhaps 25%, due to the reasons given above. - That is - there is no positive definition of a try hard, it is more the negative definition of anyone who could not make lad status but "sucked-up", to speak pejoratively, to the Lads.
So here goes (as I say 25% should be the rule)
The Try Hard:
Wore a grumpy or sneering expression
Was not of large build, not very physically strong
Spoke very sarcastically
Spoke in a clever/cynical manner, with negative phraseology like "Don't you just hate the way..."
Might wear slightly rebel-ish clothes, like pointy shoes
Had long floppy hair at the front (short back and sides)
Was in the 3rds / 4ths rugby team (or lower)
Especially liked playing to a popular-class image (eg by making a big deal out of supporting a football team)
More to come...
In general the definition of a Try-Hard is that he was a boy who did not have the kudos (through sports achievement or physical size etc.) to be a "lad". However he would very much desire to be a "lad" - ie to be seen as a success by the Goring boy-culture. As such he was someone highly orientated towards the "lads" and spent much time praising the lads or, in some way, following around a lad figure.
The Lads had high social postition. As I said in my previous post they had an attitude of disdain, if not direct dislike towards the "squares" - or rejects. However they would not normally talk to these latter. The Try-Hards, however, were closer to the "squares". For example, in a physical way. In my house Each house/ year had one long table on which the geoup of c 12 boys sat. This long table was roughly divided such that the lads sat at one end (the cool end), the rejects at the opposite end ( the un-cool end) and the try-hards in the middle, thus forming a simple hierarchy of importance / space (more on tables in teh refectory later).
In order to impress the Lads the try hard would often directly mock the "squares" or in some other way make their life unpleasant, where the lads did not have such direct contact with the squares. However this fitted in with the distant 'disdain' of the lads.
Description of the Try-Hard.
My desription of the Lads (see previous post) probably covers 75% of the Lads. Any description of the Try Hard must cover much less - perhaps 25%, due to the reasons given above. - That is - there is no positive definition of a try hard, it is more the negative definition of anyone who could not make lad status but "sucked-up", to speak pejoratively, to the Lads.
So here goes (as I say 25% should be the rule)
The Try Hard:
Wore a grumpy or sneering expression
Was not of large build, not very physically strong
Spoke very sarcastically
Spoke in a clever/cynical manner, with negative phraseology like "Don't you just hate the way..."
Might wear slightly rebel-ish clothes, like pointy shoes
Had long floppy hair at the front (short back and sides)
Was in the 3rds / 4ths rugby team (or lower)
Especially liked playing to a popular-class image (eg by making a big deal out of supporting a football team)
More to come...
Saturday, 4 August 2007
Boy hierarchies - the "Lads": sporty and slob
I cannot emphasise enough how, at Goring, it was the boy / pupil cuture that was dominant. That culture was formed of certain very powerful boy-led conventions. These were all important to life at Goring. They were much more important than the influence of the masters / authorities, more important than personal relationships, more important than background, more important than parents, brothers etc. Was this because the school was a boarding school? Perhaps.
Here I am going to talk about one aspect, perhaps one of the most important, of this boy led culture - the Lad hierarchy.
I will only generalise now. There was more complexity than I will write below. Hopefully this will come through in these memoirs generally. However the basic structures, as below, hold true.
There were three types of Boy, in terms of acceptance / success in boy culture terms at Goring: the "Lad", the "Try-Hard" and the "Square". Simply put, the "Lad" was someone seen as a success by the all-powerful boy-led cuture - the "square" was the opposite. Try-Hards - made up probably the majority of the population. They were boys who would like to have been one of the "lads" but did not (quite) make it. They often spent much time and energy seeking approval from the "lads".
There were, crudely speaking, two types of "Lad": the Slob and the Sporty lad. Sometimes they combined but not often. If anything the Sporty Lad was a slightly higher lad - in status.
The Sporty Lad was very good at one of two types of sport - Rugby or Cricket - with Rugby very much the most important of the two. In the sixth form he was either in the 1st XV Rugby or the 1st XI cricket. Let us quantify what this means for a moment: The above is c 30 boys vs nearly 300 pupils in the sixth form. That means that there was about one of these per year per house.
However it was not quite so clear cut as that. In practice some sporty lads would have been accepted as such whilst not always being in the top team (sometimes dropping into the second XV rugby, for example). Probably there were 1 or 2 top sporty lads in each house/year unit. I remember there being one in mine.
The 'Slob' lad was of a different kind. He tended to be a large boy, normally tall, sometimes large waisted as well - but always physically big. He tended to have long unkempt hair. He was almost always a smoker (from the start, aged 13) and thus often had the pungent smell of tobacco on his clothes. He had a violent presence, threatening. A main habit was that of "hoicking" up phlegm and spitting it out on the walkway so that the walkway often had patches of this substance dotted along it. He was a "rebel" type, much more likely to be in trouble with the authorities than the sporty lad. Due to his being (normally) older-looking than his age he was often the boy who went down to the local off-licence and managed to get hold of bottles of vodka etc. which he would drink himself or sell to less mature looking boys.
In my house year (as a representative sample of 12 boys?) there was one of these.
The 'slob' lad might be recognisable to many as featuring in most schools with adolescent boys. I remember one of the slob lads identifying strongly with the T-Birds gang image in 'Grease'. The ideas seen in the latter: cigarette smoking, grease-hair styling, leather jacket, cars, trying to seduce the women, being deliberatly cool, having a strong "cool" image etc. These things the Slob lad was more orientated to. A slob lad would like the idea of being leader of the gang but in practice 'gangs' did not exist. However there was probably more a culture of slob lads from different houses hanging around together than sporty lads doing the same.
In some ways the slob lad was more interested in being cool, for its own sake, and being a 'slob' was part of this. In contrast the sporty lad was admired for the physical prowess that he (naturally) possessed. This might explain some of the reason why the Sporty Lad had a slightly higher place in the Goring boy popularity culture. The auhtorities also placed high importance on sporting achievement.
There are some parallels between the two lad types in the american teen film, "The Breakfast Club" with Emilio Estevez playing the sporty lad and Judd Nelson playing the slob lad (the third boy is a 'square' / brainy 'geek'). There are differences however. Most notably the film blames the misery of these teenagers on their parents' daily treatment of them, pushing them to be how they are. Also the presence of girls makes a marked difference. Perhaps the greatest difference, however, is that of self-image. In the American film both of these types, whilst confident and outspken, show considerable self doubt during the film. And, if anything the sporty lad is more slef doubting than the slob lad. At Goring the "lad" was supremely self-confident and happy with his position, aboev all the sporty lad.
Both types of Lads had physical strength in common. Both lads had status and, on their own right, popularity. Because of the "cool" status that they both held they wre happy to recognise each other and talk together in common areas such as meals. However they did not "hang out together" much.
Sometimes a slob lad would make a leap upwards into the rank of "Sporty" lads. This was done by the slob lad applying his considerable brute strength to sports (instead of only to slobbing). At this point the Slob lad, for example, got into the 1st XV rugby. He then made an example of a combination of both types, as he would never fully give up his slob side. I do not remember sporty lad giving up sport and descending into the ranks of the slobs - but I suppose it must have happened.
In later years the slob type was more likely to get very drunk at the pub and get involved in fights etc. He tended to have especially foul language. He also tended to talk of women as purely objects designed for his genital gratification. He was an open user of pornography etc.
In contrast the sporty lad was not so outwardly a violent and unpleasant personage. However, in my 5 year experience I would not say that one was more kind than the other. The "lad" or "cool" status seemed often to be hand in hand with a disdaining attitude towards the "uncool".
I mentioned above that in practice gangs did not exist. A little more on this. I think the public school, and in particular, the house system meant that gangs could not really exist. One can't really form a "leader-type" gang from only 12 boys. It might be more realistic to form a "cool" gang of boys (say 8 strong) from a social grouping of say 100. Our year group was c 140 boys so this could have been possible. In practice the division into 12 houses, and the cultural and 'domestic' importance of the house structure meant this was impossible. In its place was the "lad" system. In general the house system failed in its key original aim - of making a family type environment due to the mix of ages / years being housed together. However in this respect, that of preventing the gang culture, it was effective.
I have attempted to describe the typical features of a 'lad'. The 'system' was that these boys were recognised by the rest of the boys as the ones who were most to be looked up to and admired. Other boys in the year did not insult them but sought to praise them and gain praise from them, or kept out of their way (the latter being the 'squares').
More on lads, try-hards and squares to come
Here I am going to talk about one aspect, perhaps one of the most important, of this boy led culture - the Lad hierarchy.
I will only generalise now. There was more complexity than I will write below. Hopefully this will come through in these memoirs generally. However the basic structures, as below, hold true.
There were three types of Boy, in terms of acceptance / success in boy culture terms at Goring: the "Lad", the "Try-Hard" and the "Square". Simply put, the "Lad" was someone seen as a success by the all-powerful boy-led cuture - the "square" was the opposite. Try-Hards - made up probably the majority of the population. They were boys who would like to have been one of the "lads" but did not (quite) make it. They often spent much time and energy seeking approval from the "lads".
There were, crudely speaking, two types of "Lad": the Slob and the Sporty lad. Sometimes they combined but not often. If anything the Sporty Lad was a slightly higher lad - in status.
The Sporty Lad was very good at one of two types of sport - Rugby or Cricket - with Rugby very much the most important of the two. In the sixth form he was either in the 1st XV Rugby or the 1st XI cricket. Let us quantify what this means for a moment: The above is c 30 boys vs nearly 300 pupils in the sixth form. That means that there was about one of these per year per house.
However it was not quite so clear cut as that. In practice some sporty lads would have been accepted as such whilst not always being in the top team (sometimes dropping into the second XV rugby, for example). Probably there were 1 or 2 top sporty lads in each house/year unit. I remember there being one in mine.
The 'Slob' lad was of a different kind. He tended to be a large boy, normally tall, sometimes large waisted as well - but always physically big. He tended to have long unkempt hair. He was almost always a smoker (from the start, aged 13) and thus often had the pungent smell of tobacco on his clothes. He had a violent presence, threatening. A main habit was that of "hoicking" up phlegm and spitting it out on the walkway so that the walkway often had patches of this substance dotted along it. He was a "rebel" type, much more likely to be in trouble with the authorities than the sporty lad. Due to his being (normally) older-looking than his age he was often the boy who went down to the local off-licence and managed to get hold of bottles of vodka etc. which he would drink himself or sell to less mature looking boys.
In my house year (as a representative sample of 12 boys?) there was one of these.
The 'slob' lad might be recognisable to many as featuring in most schools with adolescent boys. I remember one of the slob lads identifying strongly with the T-Birds gang image in 'Grease'. The ideas seen in the latter: cigarette smoking, grease-hair styling, leather jacket, cars, trying to seduce the women, being deliberatly cool, having a strong "cool" image etc. These things the Slob lad was more orientated to. A slob lad would like the idea of being leader of the gang but in practice 'gangs' did not exist. However there was probably more a culture of slob lads from different houses hanging around together than sporty lads doing the same.
In some ways the slob lad was more interested in being cool, for its own sake, and being a 'slob' was part of this. In contrast the sporty lad was admired for the physical prowess that he (naturally) possessed. This might explain some of the reason why the Sporty Lad had a slightly higher place in the Goring boy popularity culture. The auhtorities also placed high importance on sporting achievement.
There are some parallels between the two lad types in the american teen film, "The Breakfast Club" with Emilio Estevez playing the sporty lad and Judd Nelson playing the slob lad (the third boy is a 'square' / brainy 'geek'). There are differences however. Most notably the film blames the misery of these teenagers on their parents' daily treatment of them, pushing them to be how they are. Also the presence of girls makes a marked difference. Perhaps the greatest difference, however, is that of self-image. In the American film both of these types, whilst confident and outspken, show considerable self doubt during the film. And, if anything the sporty lad is more slef doubting than the slob lad. At Goring the "lad" was supremely self-confident and happy with his position, aboev all the sporty lad.
Both types of Lads had physical strength in common. Both lads had status and, on their own right, popularity. Because of the "cool" status that they both held they wre happy to recognise each other and talk together in common areas such as meals. However they did not "hang out together" much.
Sometimes a slob lad would make a leap upwards into the rank of "Sporty" lads. This was done by the slob lad applying his considerable brute strength to sports (instead of only to slobbing). At this point the Slob lad, for example, got into the 1st XV rugby. He then made an example of a combination of both types, as he would never fully give up his slob side. I do not remember sporty lad giving up sport and descending into the ranks of the slobs - but I suppose it must have happened.
In later years the slob type was more likely to get very drunk at the pub and get involved in fights etc. He tended to have especially foul language. He also tended to talk of women as purely objects designed for his genital gratification. He was an open user of pornography etc.
In contrast the sporty lad was not so outwardly a violent and unpleasant personage. However, in my 5 year experience I would not say that one was more kind than the other. The "lad" or "cool" status seemed often to be hand in hand with a disdaining attitude towards the "uncool".
I mentioned above that in practice gangs did not exist. A little more on this. I think the public school, and in particular, the house system meant that gangs could not really exist. One can't really form a "leader-type" gang from only 12 boys. It might be more realistic to form a "cool" gang of boys (say 8 strong) from a social grouping of say 100. Our year group was c 140 boys so this could have been possible. In practice the division into 12 houses, and the cultural and 'domestic' importance of the house structure meant this was impossible. In its place was the "lad" system. In general the house system failed in its key original aim - of making a family type environment due to the mix of ages / years being housed together. However in this respect, that of preventing the gang culture, it was effective.
I have attempted to describe the typical features of a 'lad'. The 'system' was that these boys were recognised by the rest of the boys as the ones who were most to be looked up to and admired. Other boys in the year did not insult them but sought to praise them and gain praise from them, or kept out of their way (the latter being the 'squares').
More on lads, try-hards and squares to come
Friday, 3 August 2007
First days at the house
Unfortunately I kept no diary to aid me now in a chronological reflection. So I can only recall particular (emotional) moments.
I remember that when I got to Goring, I was (for whatever reason!) acutely self-conscious. It was a moment (I was 13) when I was starting out on teenage insecurity. To give an example, I had never thought about having a "hairstyle" before coming to Goring. I simply let my hair fall into its natural shape, and neatened that shape out when necessary with a brush or comb. All of a sudden at Goring most boys seemed to have some form of strong policy (or hairstyle) with their hair. I remember frantically trying to give myself a parting for the first few years... (now I effectively wear my hair in the same way as I did as a child pre-Goring).
So, back to my first days. Amid this somewhat paralysing sense of self-consciousness and amid the fear of being in a new place, and amid the fear (or was it terror?) of the reputation of the place (gleaned from stories reported to me by old boys of my prep school who were at Goring already), how was I greeted?
Not with kindness.
I can remember no kindly friend, no kindly person in my year, no kindly older boy who might help me to adjust, tell me how best to manage my first days and weeks.
To my acute embarrassment I found myself within a day being mocked by boys of my own year for having large collars on my shirts. This was especially unfortunate: Goring had no uniform but it required the wearing of tie and jacket with adequately 'smart' shirt and trousers. My previous school had had a uniform and I had never thought about what clothes to wear up till going to Goring. I was very self-conscious before going of wearing the right (socially-acceptable) clothes. A friend who had gone the year before told me it was imperative that I wore striped shirts - that was the trend at Goring. So I asked my parents to buy me striped shirts. This they did but, unfortunately for their self-conscious son, ones with large collars. The "coolest" boy in my year called me "wings" on my first day. The nickname stuck for some time.
[I will discuss what I mean by "coolest" later in a section on boy 'gang' hierarchies.]
In general I remember when others talked to me feeling disdained and certainly very 'uncool', not one of the 'lads'. By others I mean boys from my year. At this stage in the first few days other years spoke to us sparingly and did not engage much directly. The bullying by older years had not begun yet. However I do remember that boys in the second year told me how new I was and made a big point of making me feel something lower through such deep lack of experience of the ropes.
I remember talking to one of my peers in my year in those first days at Supper one day. He was from one of the Goring Junior schools and was a "cool" boy (almost by default many such boys coming from the junior schools were established in the system and thus often "cool"). He asked a few questions about my likes and dislikes. They were along the lines of 'coll' areas - or areas of interest activity which were the vogue for the in-crowd at the time. I particular remember him asking me what was my favourite pop group. I did not have an answer as I had not listened to much pop music prior to coming to Goring and had certainly not taken much interest in 'the charts' / the latest fashions. My home was one where we had only been brought up with so-called "classical" music. I remember the boy at this point turning away from me in disdain. I was clearly not at all on his wavelength. But I desperatley wanted a friend.. I desperately wanted approval so these moments were unhappy for me.
I remember, as other boys talked to me, the sense of fear in my body, that they only wanted to mock me. This probably was not always the case and I am sad that I let myself be so caught up with fear and self-consciousness. The only excuse is that the hostile and Darwinian atmosphere bred fear.
I remember well that at the end of the first week a great 'boys' event took place. There was to be a film shown at the school cinema. It was a very popular american action film and there was large demand to see it. The Cinema was held in a special building with a projector. Hundreds gathered outside the building at the time when the doors were due to open (boys had to pay!). But there was only room for a hundred or so. I found myself in the middle of a heaving mass of (to me) huge boys. I remember being told, "you smell... you've got greasy hair..." From then on I desperately washed my hair every day (sometimes more) until I grew out of my ultra self-conscious stage (that took about 3 years... more on that topic to come). I remember feeling miserable in this large, violent, abusive throng. Conclusion: I was too small and junior to manage to get in anyway.
I remember that when I got to Goring, I was (for whatever reason!) acutely self-conscious. It was a moment (I was 13) when I was starting out on teenage insecurity. To give an example, I had never thought about having a "hairstyle" before coming to Goring. I simply let my hair fall into its natural shape, and neatened that shape out when necessary with a brush or comb. All of a sudden at Goring most boys seemed to have some form of strong policy (or hairstyle) with their hair. I remember frantically trying to give myself a parting for the first few years... (now I effectively wear my hair in the same way as I did as a child pre-Goring).
So, back to my first days. Amid this somewhat paralysing sense of self-consciousness and amid the fear of being in a new place, and amid the fear (or was it terror?) of the reputation of the place (gleaned from stories reported to me by old boys of my prep school who were at Goring already), how was I greeted?
Not with kindness.
I can remember no kindly friend, no kindly person in my year, no kindly older boy who might help me to adjust, tell me how best to manage my first days and weeks.
To my acute embarrassment I found myself within a day being mocked by boys of my own year for having large collars on my shirts. This was especially unfortunate: Goring had no uniform but it required the wearing of tie and jacket with adequately 'smart' shirt and trousers. My previous school had had a uniform and I had never thought about what clothes to wear up till going to Goring. I was very self-conscious before going of wearing the right (socially-acceptable) clothes. A friend who had gone the year before told me it was imperative that I wore striped shirts - that was the trend at Goring. So I asked my parents to buy me striped shirts. This they did but, unfortunately for their self-conscious son, ones with large collars. The "coolest" boy in my year called me "wings" on my first day. The nickname stuck for some time.
[I will discuss what I mean by "coolest" later in a section on boy 'gang' hierarchies.]
In general I remember when others talked to me feeling disdained and certainly very 'uncool', not one of the 'lads'. By others I mean boys from my year. At this stage in the first few days other years spoke to us sparingly and did not engage much directly. The bullying by older years had not begun yet. However I do remember that boys in the second year told me how new I was and made a big point of making me feel something lower through such deep lack of experience of the ropes.
I remember talking to one of my peers in my year in those first days at Supper one day. He was from one of the Goring Junior schools and was a "cool" boy (almost by default many such boys coming from the junior schools were established in the system and thus often "cool"). He asked a few questions about my likes and dislikes. They were along the lines of 'coll' areas - or areas of interest activity which were the vogue for the in-crowd at the time. I particular remember him asking me what was my favourite pop group. I did not have an answer as I had not listened to much pop music prior to coming to Goring and had certainly not taken much interest in 'the charts' / the latest fashions. My home was one where we had only been brought up with so-called "classical" music. I remember the boy at this point turning away from me in disdain. I was clearly not at all on his wavelength. But I desperatley wanted a friend.. I desperately wanted approval so these moments were unhappy for me.
I remember, as other boys talked to me, the sense of fear in my body, that they only wanted to mock me. This probably was not always the case and I am sad that I let myself be so caught up with fear and self-consciousness. The only excuse is that the hostile and Darwinian atmosphere bred fear.
I remember well that at the end of the first week a great 'boys' event took place. There was to be a film shown at the school cinema. It was a very popular american action film and there was large demand to see it. The Cinema was held in a special building with a projector. Hundreds gathered outside the building at the time when the doors were due to open (boys had to pay!). But there was only room for a hundred or so. I found myself in the middle of a heaving mass of (to me) huge boys. I remember being told, "you smell... you've got greasy hair..." From then on I desperately washed my hair every day (sometimes more) until I grew out of my ultra self-conscious stage (that took about 3 years... more on that topic to come). I remember feeling miserable in this large, violent, abusive throng. Conclusion: I was too small and junior to manage to get in anyway.
Thursday, 2 August 2007
Houses - the house system
Goring was divided into 12 houses.
The house system was very important. In practice most social activity occurred within the individual boy's house. The Dormitories, sixth form rooms and refectories were in one's house. The house also had a common room (where there was a TV which was on in the free time periods ), a chapel for prayers (next to the common room), sometimes a recreation area / hall (mine had a snooker table) and most houses had some sort of "garden" outside area where boys could play games, such as football and cricket.
The house was located in a separate building. What I mean by this is that it was totally separate as a space / collection of walls etc. from other houses or school buildings. There was normally limited access to the house (one main door and perhaps one back door) so each house was very much an island. My house was in fact part of one large building which contained two "houses". The building was divided in two and our house front door was therefore only 100 yards from that of the next door house But there was no access through between the houses. To go into that house I had to go through the front door and ask the house master for permission just like for other houses located atr a much further distance.
In order to go to another house, a boy had to go into the room of the housemaster of that other house and ask permission. This, in effect, presented a fairly strong motivation for not going to another house.
The main point which I want to emphasise is one which will be very important to these memoirs - and which I will discuss further in later posts. It is this point: The boys' internal culture was pre-eminent at Goring. It was not the masters who formed the way the school functioned, its atmosphere etc. It was the boys.
As such there were many underlying boy-driven cultures which were very powerful, which I will discuss further in subsequent chapters. One of these was the importance of the house, another was the importance of only having friends in one's own year group.
This meant that my house/ year group was the vital social group for me.
The house was divided into 5 years. The first 3 years lived in two dormitories of c 20 boys each, the final 2 years (the sixth form) were in bedrooms, some shared, some individual - on the "sixth form corridoors" . These were two corridoors on the other side of the building from the Dormitories.
Each year groups was c 12 boys strong - making a house of c 60 boys. The system of relationship between these year groups when I arrived was as follows.
Sixth formers were God-like figures. "Juniors" (especially first years) were never to speak to them unless spoken to first. Sixth formers were distant from the juniors but they generally did not do any bullying, simply kept aloof. Third years were the bullies. The third years inflicted their greater strenght over the second years and first years through physical and mental bullying of a fairly severe kind. The third years were also the dorm captains so they had official power conferred on them also. The second years bullied the first years but more lightly (the min bullying relationship was third years to first years) and more commonly in words than through physical violence. They emphasised as much as possible that the first years were "New" and "cocky" and had much to learn.
The situation, as might be deducted from the above, was strongly Darwinian / survivalist. Friendship with my own year group in my house was very important for me. For friendship I had therefore only 11 other boys to look for. That these should be boys with whom I had natural sympathy and attraction was highly desirable. Unfortunately this was not the case for my year group (in my house). I was to suffer much for this.
Sadly the house sytem meant that I had very limited access to the other 130 or so pupils in my year with whom I might have made and maintained up-building friendships. It was agonising to me how, in pratice, it seemed impossible to keep up a friendship with friends in other houses. Some friends I had known from before Goring days and I had had with such friends warm and upbuilding friendship experience. The house system was a very powerful culture and claimed the pupil too strongly.
More on the house system to come...
The house system was very important. In practice most social activity occurred within the individual boy's house. The Dormitories, sixth form rooms and refectories were in one's house. The house also had a common room (where there was a TV which was on in the free time periods ), a chapel for prayers (next to the common room), sometimes a recreation area / hall (mine had a snooker table) and most houses had some sort of "garden" outside area where boys could play games, such as football and cricket.
The house was located in a separate building. What I mean by this is that it was totally separate as a space / collection of walls etc. from other houses or school buildings. There was normally limited access to the house (one main door and perhaps one back door) so each house was very much an island. My house was in fact part of one large building which contained two "houses". The building was divided in two and our house front door was therefore only 100 yards from that of the next door house But there was no access through between the houses. To go into that house I had to go through the front door and ask the house master for permission just like for other houses located atr a much further distance.
In order to go to another house, a boy had to go into the room of the housemaster of that other house and ask permission. This, in effect, presented a fairly strong motivation for not going to another house.
The main point which I want to emphasise is one which will be very important to these memoirs - and which I will discuss further in later posts. It is this point: The boys' internal culture was pre-eminent at Goring. It was not the masters who formed the way the school functioned, its atmosphere etc. It was the boys.
As such there were many underlying boy-driven cultures which were very powerful, which I will discuss further in subsequent chapters. One of these was the importance of the house, another was the importance of only having friends in one's own year group.
This meant that my house/ year group was the vital social group for me.
The house was divided into 5 years. The first 3 years lived in two dormitories of c 20 boys each, the final 2 years (the sixth form) were in bedrooms, some shared, some individual - on the "sixth form corridoors" . These were two corridoors on the other side of the building from the Dormitories.
Each year groups was c 12 boys strong - making a house of c 60 boys. The system of relationship between these year groups when I arrived was as follows.
Sixth formers were God-like figures. "Juniors" (especially first years) were never to speak to them unless spoken to first. Sixth formers were distant from the juniors but they generally did not do any bullying, simply kept aloof. Third years were the bullies. The third years inflicted their greater strenght over the second years and first years through physical and mental bullying of a fairly severe kind. The third years were also the dorm captains so they had official power conferred on them also. The second years bullied the first years but more lightly (the min bullying relationship was third years to first years) and more commonly in words than through physical violence. They emphasised as much as possible that the first years were "New" and "cocky" and had much to learn.
The situation, as might be deducted from the above, was strongly Darwinian / survivalist. Friendship with my own year group in my house was very important for me. For friendship I had therefore only 11 other boys to look for. That these should be boys with whom I had natural sympathy and attraction was highly desirable. Unfortunately this was not the case for my year group (in my house). I was to suffer much for this.
Sadly the house sytem meant that I had very limited access to the other 130 or so pupils in my year with whom I might have made and maintained up-building friendships. It was agonising to me how, in pratice, it seemed impossible to keep up a friendship with friends in other houses. Some friends I had known from before Goring days and I had had with such friends warm and upbuilding friendship experience. The house system was a very powerful culture and claimed the pupil too strongly.
More on the house system to come...
Wednesday, 1 August 2007
Academia - all important?
In terms of the boys and the boys' view on life, academia was not all important. Probably, rugby was all important. However, non-conventional areas, such as design and computing were generally seen as for "squares"... but more on that later.
To the masters, teachers and superiors academic success was high priority - perhaps "all important". There was often heard the phrase - "He is a BRIGHT boy... this one is not a BRIGHT boy".
The result of this, certainly in my case, was that I never saw non academic subjects as proper subjects. To me Art, Design, Music, Computing, Theatre studies... etc were not 'real' subjects, not serious. They were hobbies. Latin, Maths, English, History, Physics, Chemistry, French etc. - these were 'real' subjects. There were two ways to get past this code (1) One's own indomitable enthusiasm, (2) A teacher / tutor's enthusiasm for the pupil. For me I tried terribly hard on the (1) basis to get into the theatre, and I was lured into Music studies becasue of (2). More on this later.
The importance of academic success meant that tehre was a lot of pressure at this level. Academic work was much greater in volume and harder in its matter than at my previous school.
It also meant that the boys were put into "streams" - A,B,C,D,E. A was for the 'brightest'. E was for the least 'bright'. I was in the A stream. Most of my contemporaries in my house were in B,C,D,E. Those in the E Stream were immediately called "thickies", "thick as pig shit" etc. by their contemporaries.
Being academically 'bright' (we had fortnightly grades to show how we were doing - in terms of ABCDE - in each subject) was very important to the staff. We were supposed to perform against our 'stream'. If a pupil underperformed he was given a report card... More on this later.
To the masters, teachers and superiors academic success was high priority - perhaps "all important". There was often heard the phrase - "He is a BRIGHT boy... this one is not a BRIGHT boy".
The result of this, certainly in my case, was that I never saw non academic subjects as proper subjects. To me Art, Design, Music, Computing, Theatre studies... etc were not 'real' subjects, not serious. They were hobbies. Latin, Maths, English, History, Physics, Chemistry, French etc. - these were 'real' subjects. There were two ways to get past this code (1) One's own indomitable enthusiasm, (2) A teacher / tutor's enthusiasm for the pupil. For me I tried terribly hard on the (1) basis to get into the theatre, and I was lured into Music studies becasue of (2). More on this later.
The importance of academic success meant that tehre was a lot of pressure at this level. Academic work was much greater in volume and harder in its matter than at my previous school.
It also meant that the boys were put into "streams" - A,B,C,D,E. A was for the 'brightest'. E was for the least 'bright'. I was in the A stream. Most of my contemporaries in my house were in B,C,D,E. Those in the E Stream were immediately called "thickies", "thick as pig shit" etc. by their contemporaries.
Being academically 'bright' (we had fortnightly grades to show how we were doing - in terms of ABCDE - in each subject) was very important to the staff. We were supposed to perform against our 'stream'. If a pupil underperformed he was given a report card... More on this later.
Tuesday, 31 July 2007
Year groups, Academia etc.
The Goring senior school was for boys of 13-18 years old. Thus there were 5 year groups:
First years (aged 13-14)
Second years (aged 14-15)
Third years (aged 15-16), sometimes known as fifth form - doing O-levels / GCSEs
Fourth years (aged 16-17), known as Lower Sixth Form
Fifth years (aged 17-18), known as Upper sixth form - doing A-Levels
Academically the system was as follows:
At the end of the third year was the moment to choose the A levels one was to study. The Pupil had to study 3 A levels at the time. This represented a vast reduction in subjects versus the previous years - so much thought and consultation was supposed to go into the choice. This was also the moment when the "career choice" seemed to come into things. Thus if the pupil wanted to become a doctor one day it was advised to take three science subjects usually.
More to follow on academia
First years (aged 13-14)
Second years (aged 14-15)
Third years (aged 15-16), sometimes known as fifth form - doing O-levels / GCSEs
Fourth years (aged 16-17), known as Lower Sixth Form
Fifth years (aged 17-18), known as Upper sixth form - doing A-Levels
Academically the system was as follows:
- The pupil came in as first year and followed all subjects on the curriculum, including less "essential" subjects such as Music, Design, Computer studies, PE.
- At the end of the year he was to choose (with the help of appropriate advice from teachers,, tutors, parents etc.) the subjects he was to study for O-level / GCSE. There were certain compulsory subjects - English, Maths, 1 x modern language, 2 of the 3 sciences, Religious Studies.
- Most boys studied 10 Subjects. The scholars might do 11 or even 12 (by taking on Greek, ancient history, hebrew etc.). The "less academic" might take on 9 (eg miss out Latin and do extra English). I think I recall the system correctly.
- Those subjects that were obligatory (eg Maths) could be taken 1 year early (at the end of the second year), enabling the "scholar" to taken on extra O-Levels / GCSEs or to do an advanced module of the same subject somewhere between the O and A Level.
At the end of the third year was the moment to choose the A levels one was to study. The Pupil had to study 3 A levels at the time. This represented a vast reduction in subjects versus the previous years - so much thought and consultation was supposed to go into the choice. This was also the moment when the "career choice" seemed to come into things. Thus if the pupil wanted to become a doctor one day it was advised to take three science subjects usually.
More to follow on academia
Head Dorm Pig
I travelled up with a friend of mine, Giles, who was in the same house as that for which I was bound. He had come to the school two years before and had lots to tell me. Much of it was not reassuring. he told me of the widespread physical bullying and the commonplace practice of heavy swearing.
I learnt from him some of the terminology of the school. For example Dormitory Captains were called Dorm Pigs.
I was to be in the 'First Year' and it was the third year boys who were the Dorm Pigs. It became clear to me that this year was where the chief bullies came from.
An amusing story is that my friend, Giles, told me that the "Head Dorm Pig" was a really great guy and that this was the single bright spot ahead of me. I assumed that he meant the head dorm pig of my dorm (there were 3 dorm pigs for my 20 -boy dorm). In fact he had meant the "head dorm pig" of the (third) year (and of all the dormitory dwellers) - who was in the other 20-boy dorm.
That day, when I entered my dorm and saw that the head dorm pig was in his bed-space, I greeted him very warmly. he looked surprised. His name was Rich Lascard and he was, in fact, to be one of the nastiest bullies. But at that moment I saw some happiness / kindness in his face - because, so it seems, of my warm greeting. I can never remember him singling me out for bullying or indeed being unkind to me.
I learnt from him some of the terminology of the school. For example Dormitory Captains were called Dorm Pigs.
I was to be in the 'First Year' and it was the third year boys who were the Dorm Pigs. It became clear to me that this year was where the chief bullies came from.
An amusing story is that my friend, Giles, told me that the "Head Dorm Pig" was a really great guy and that this was the single bright spot ahead of me. I assumed that he meant the head dorm pig of my dorm (there were 3 dorm pigs for my 20 -boy dorm). In fact he had meant the "head dorm pig" of the (third) year (and of all the dormitory dwellers) - who was in the other 20-boy dorm.
That day, when I entered my dorm and saw that the head dorm pig was in his bed-space, I greeted him very warmly. he looked surprised. His name was Rich Lascard and he was, in fact, to be one of the nastiest bullies. But at that moment I saw some happiness / kindness in his face - because, so it seems, of my warm greeting. I can never remember him singling me out for bullying or indeed being unkind to me.
The journey to Hell
I went up to Goring by train. I remember it as a cold grim afternoon in early September.
The train had many other boys bound for the same end within it. I remember that their presence made me afraid. Their manner was quite different to what I had known. Their dress was often slovenly, their hair long. They were loud. Their voices had an arrogant and mocking tone.
I felt sick at heart.
The train had many other boys bound for the same end within it. I remember that their presence made me afraid. Their manner was quite different to what I had known. Their dress was often slovenly, their hair long. They were loud. Their voices had an arrogant and mocking tone.
I felt sick at heart.
The positive sides of public school
Originally I used to feel the negative-positive very powerfully. The very fact of having got through made me feel that I had achieved a great deal. I do not say this lightly. I left happy to have survived.
Developing this point further I have often found myself since leaving Goring in a sticky situation. Once I found myself in a very humiliating situation. I resigned my job and told every one I was leaving the company to start a new enterprise. Next day I found that due to unforeseen circumstances my scheme had a significant flaw and so two days after saying goodbye I went back to the same office and begged for my job back. My co-workers were all saying to me – “what are you doing back”. It was a serious egg on my face ordeal. But I found it quite easy to go through because in my mind I said to myself – this is nothing compared to being at Goring.
And indeed so it has proved. Worse things have happened to me and each time I find I can “roll with the punches” because the bad experience has been so much less emotionally damaging than my experiences at Goring.
It was an enormous achievement on the part of my struggling father to have put me and my siblings through the English Public School system. He was a teacher but he knew his teaching income could not provide the funding for the public school education that he wanted for his Children. So he set up a small teaching business on his own to try to make a greater income. We were nearly removed from our schools because of his inability to pay at certain moments. Finally his business became more successful and he was able to pay his way for us. He had 12 years of private school fees for his children. In total he paid for 99 child terms before he was finished (including both prep school and public school)
In addition the public school network exists – and will continue to do so. Getting my first step on to the job ladder was made through meeting an old boy (Hannington) of my school who knew a friend of mine of the generation above (Lozer). The latter had also been to the same school and recommended me to him. This meeting earned me an interview with a salesman at the organistation where Hannington worked. The salesman grilled me and got me to do certain assignments. I got the job. It earned me very little (just above the minimum wage) but it got my foot on the ladder into the world of banking. A year later I was on the graduate scheme and my salary had more than doubled.
Developing this point further I have often found myself since leaving Goring in a sticky situation. Once I found myself in a very humiliating situation. I resigned my job and told every one I was leaving the company to start a new enterprise. Next day I found that due to unforeseen circumstances my scheme had a significant flaw and so two days after saying goodbye I went back to the same office and begged for my job back. My co-workers were all saying to me – “what are you doing back”. It was a serious egg on my face ordeal. But I found it quite easy to go through because in my mind I said to myself – this is nothing compared to being at Goring.
And indeed so it has proved. Worse things have happened to me and each time I find I can “roll with the punches” because the bad experience has been so much less emotionally damaging than my experiences at Goring.
It was an enormous achievement on the part of my struggling father to have put me and my siblings through the English Public School system. He was a teacher but he knew his teaching income could not provide the funding for the public school education that he wanted for his Children. So he set up a small teaching business on his own to try to make a greater income. We were nearly removed from our schools because of his inability to pay at certain moments. Finally his business became more successful and he was able to pay his way for us. He had 12 years of private school fees for his children. In total he paid for 99 child terms before he was finished (including both prep school and public school)
In addition the public school network exists – and will continue to do so. Getting my first step on to the job ladder was made through meeting an old boy (Hannington) of my school who knew a friend of mine of the generation above (Lozer). The latter had also been to the same school and recommended me to him. This meeting earned me an interview with a salesman at the organistation where Hannington worked. The salesman grilled me and got me to do certain assignments. I got the job. It earned me very little (just above the minimum wage) but it got my foot on the ladder into the world of banking. A year later I was on the graduate scheme and my salary had more than doubled.
Introduction
It has been some years since I left public school now (more than 10, let us say). The memory of that 5 year experience is not now as clear as I would like. And yet I feel that there is value in writing up what I can remember.
In many ways I have benefited from my experience of having been to one of the great English public schools.
Where one went to school still seems to be a matter of “identity” amongst the more pretentious classes of the UK. If I say “I went to Goring” – I can see that many of my interlocutors can place me and it gives them a comfort – “ah, you are an Grovian”. Even to me, hypocritically as it may seem from reading my memoirs, I often feel that stirring of vanity and pride that such an identity statement gives.
In many ways I have benefited from my experience of having been to one of the great English public schools.
Where one went to school still seems to be a matter of “identity” amongst the more pretentious classes of the UK. If I say “I went to Goring” – I can see that many of my interlocutors can place me and it gives them a comfort – “ah, you are an Grovian”. Even to me, hypocritically as it may seem from reading my memoirs, I often feel that stirring of vanity and pride that such an identity statement gives.
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