Clap... clap.... clap.... the double doors of the dorm swung open. From many beds issued forth unwilling groans. The keen boys had already got up some 5 or ten minutes before so that they could get a place in the showers.
Some boys got up at that point and wandered off to the showers where there was already a queue. Some boys did not take a shower but most did. Not to be seen washing (very) frequently was to be considered "skeggy" and to invite much abusive mockery.
At first I was one of the boys who got up at the wake up call and would spend miserable minutes waiting in the showeres queue, having to give way to those in senior years who came.
Then I got dressed. I put on a striped shirt and a dark blue jumper and some indifferent chords. After this, down to breakfast.
Breakfast was different from other meals as it was self service. Cereals were laid out and we helped ourselves. Then a cooked breakfast was brought. This was often Bacon with fried bread and tinned tomatoes. I loved this bacon an tomatoes and would frequently help myself to many rounds of it in later times. But when I started at Goring I was too timid to do this. Another difference to lunch and supper was that the start and finish did not occur with the housemaster's bell and grace. The boys came in when they wanted (within the breakfast time given in the schedule) and left when they wanted.
After finishing I went back up to my bedspace in the dorm (this was the nearest thing I had to a personal area in the house) and got my stuff together ready for the first classes. Then the bell rang for house prayers in the common room. The inmates all came down for this. At the end of the prayers was a time of great excitment for me. It was when the housemaster handed out the mail that had arrived that morning. He read out each name on eac letter in turn. This was a good way for him to check if a boy had been absent from prayers.
Then off I went down to the main school for the first classes. next to the main school was a small building in which where the "carols". This was where each junior boy had his individual desk for prep periods and keeping his books etc. So I came there first to gather any other things I needed then I went off to the classroom.
Monday, 29 October 2007
Saturday, 27 October 2007
Weekday Rhythm
The weekday rhythm ran as follows:
7.25 Wake Up call - the double doors in the dorm swung open, the lights were turned on or the person doing wake up would clap his hands mournfully a few times.
7.30 Showers
7.45 Breakfast
8.15 Prayers
8.40 Lessons x 3 - 40 mins long each
10.40 Break
11.05 Lessons x 2
12.25 Pre Lunch Prep period
1. pm Lunch
2. pm - 3.30 pm Games (or other afteroon activities)
3.30 back in the house to wash and change after games
4. pm Tea
4.40 pm Lessons x 2
6 pm - 7.30 pm Evening prep period in the "carols"
7.30 pm Supper
8.15 -9.30 pm evening free period
9.30 prayers, then changing, washing etc. getting into bed
10.15 lights out double doors close
7.25 Wake Up call - the double doors in the dorm swung open, the lights were turned on or the person doing wake up would clap his hands mournfully a few times.
7.30 Showers
7.45 Breakfast
8.15 Prayers
8.40 Lessons x 3 - 40 mins long each
10.40 Break
11.05 Lessons x 2
12.25 Pre Lunch Prep period
1. pm Lunch
2. pm - 3.30 pm Games (or other afteroon activities)
3.30 back in the house to wash and change after games
4. pm Tea
4.40 pm Lessons x 2
6 pm - 7.30 pm Evening prep period in the "carols"
7.30 pm Supper
8.15 -9.30 pm evening free period
9.30 prayers, then changing, washing etc. getting into bed
10.15 lights out double doors close
Friday, 26 October 2007
The end of innocence
"Ralph wept... for the dark heart of Man and the fall of the one true friend, Piggy."
I sat in the train and for the first time realised that this was it. I was finally off to the big school - public school, Goring.
I was 13 years old. I was small, very small - less than 5 foot tall. I sat lonely on my chair in the train, an insecure child, pre-pubescent, desiring kindness and intimacy.
An ache was in my chest. Something was dying within me. Was it my heart? No, not yet. Was it the death of innocence? No, it was not something directly philospohical. It was not a principle. It was an emotion. It was the death of happiness, simply happiness. I had been happy.
Now I sat on a train and I knew that it bore me to a new land. It bore me to a world of abuse and mockery. It bore me to where the "me"-ness of me was not welcome, was perhaps even to be despised. It bore me to a land where the bully walked dominant, supreme, where the only principle left was survival.
The messenger shares in the news he brings and this was true of the train. Even the station as I came to it seemed dark and sad. But the train itself was touched with cruelty. It bore me on, as in a dark vacuum, an emptiness. There was no kindness in that train. But there were the boys, the boys of Goring already there, already in groups, already in mocking groups, with their conventions of harsh language.
So I sat alone, in a lonely place, my chest aching. Despite all this I was still hoping the journey would never end. But it did.
And so the journey of survival was to begin. It was to last 5 years.
I sat in the train and for the first time realised that this was it. I was finally off to the big school - public school, Goring.
I was 13 years old. I was small, very small - less than 5 foot tall. I sat lonely on my chair in the train, an insecure child, pre-pubescent, desiring kindness and intimacy.
An ache was in my chest. Something was dying within me. Was it my heart? No, not yet. Was it the death of innocence? No, it was not something directly philospohical. It was not a principle. It was an emotion. It was the death of happiness, simply happiness. I had been happy.
Now I sat on a train and I knew that it bore me to a new land. It bore me to a world of abuse and mockery. It bore me to where the "me"-ness of me was not welcome, was perhaps even to be despised. It bore me to a land where the bully walked dominant, supreme, where the only principle left was survival.
The messenger shares in the news he brings and this was true of the train. Even the station as I came to it seemed dark and sad. But the train itself was touched with cruelty. It bore me on, as in a dark vacuum, an emptiness. There was no kindness in that train. But there were the boys, the boys of Goring already there, already in groups, already in mocking groups, with their conventions of harsh language.
So I sat alone, in a lonely place, my chest aching. Despite all this I was still hoping the journey would never end. But it did.
And so the journey of survival was to begin. It was to last 5 years.
First Floor / second floor
The second floor was an exact copy of the fisrt floor in terms of architecture. The use was slightly different, as follows:
The room next to the dorm on the first landing was the housemaster's bedroom.
The Dorm was for the first years
On the sixth form corridoor the housemaster had his own small shower room.
Through the door at the far end of the sixth form corridoor was the laundry room where the laundry lady sat on certain days. Junior would therefore go along this corridoor to get their laundry.
And I think that describes the whole house.
The room next to the dorm on the first landing was the housemaster's bedroom.
The Dorm was for the first years
On the sixth form corridoor the housemaster had his own small shower room.
Through the door at the far end of the sixth form corridoor was the laundry room where the laundry lady sat on certain days. Junior would therefore go along this corridoor to get their laundry.
And I think that describes the whole house.
Sixth Form corridoor
along from the loos and washrooms was the sixth form corridoor. On the left side as one entered (the north side) was a small washroom for the sixth formers and then the showers - which were for both sixth formers and juniors.
On the same side was then a kitchenette where the sixth formeres could make themselves coffee, 1 x small room and 1 x larger room, used as a double room for fourth years to share. On the right hand (looking south) side were two smaller rooms, followed by one larger room for the head of house , then another small single room, then another larger room for sharing.
This corridoor had the mystique of the sixth form about it and seemed a nicer part of the house.
On the same side was then a kitchenette where the sixth formeres could make themselves coffee, 1 x small room and 1 x larger room, used as a double room for fourth years to share. On the right hand (looking south) side were two smaller rooms, followed by one larger room for the head of house , then another small single room, then another larger room for sharing.
This corridoor had the mystique of the sixth form about it and seemed a nicer part of the house.
The Loos
The Loss, lavatories, toilets... were next to the washrooms.
Theses were particularly grim. They had dark stone (concrete?) floors. I remember them as being very cold. The windows were kept open and there was often a dripping sound.
The Loos had two urinals and opposite these three seat cubicles. These cubicles had gaps at the top and the bottom of the doors.
The urinals themselves were often very unclean. i do not remember any one cleaning them and with 60 boys using them this meant that they were often filthy, especially round the side and underneath, on the walls.
The seat loo cubicles were very upleasant. They were bitter cold - a most unattractive place. The boys also had an unpleasant attitude towards them. For example if it was noticed that a boy had been on the loo for some time, it would be presumed he was "wanking" and then another boy would go and try to bust him so doing by getting a chair to stand on so as to look over the top of the cubicle. Loos were considered a favoured place for masturbation as the boy could not be so easily seen doing this as in the dorm. Also the back of the loo casement (or inside it) was often used to hide pornographic magazines.
I hated using the loo cubicles and would try to find other places in the school to carry out this most essential of activities where one can feel so vulnerable.
Theses were particularly grim. They had dark stone (concrete?) floors. I remember them as being very cold. The windows were kept open and there was often a dripping sound.
The Loos had two urinals and opposite these three seat cubicles. These cubicles had gaps at the top and the bottom of the doors.
The urinals themselves were often very unclean. i do not remember any one cleaning them and with 60 boys using them this meant that they were often filthy, especially round the side and underneath, on the walls.
The seat loo cubicles were very upleasant. They were bitter cold - a most unattractive place. The boys also had an unpleasant attitude towards them. For example if it was noticed that a boy had been on the loo for some time, it would be presumed he was "wanking" and then another boy would go and try to bust him so doing by getting a chair to stand on so as to look over the top of the cubicle. Loos were considered a favoured place for masturbation as the boy could not be so easily seen doing this as in the dorm. Also the back of the loo casement (or inside it) was often used to hide pornographic magazines.
I hated using the loo cubicles and would try to find other places in the school to carry out this most essential of activities where one can feel so vulnerable.
internal architecture - washrooms
I need to put in some diagrams for this section. It would be easier to explain with a floor plan.
Going up the central staircase there was a first landing - off from this came (1) the dormitory for the third years and second years and (2)a small room on the side (looking south) which was for a sixth former. This latter room was considered the worst room to have for the sixth former as it was not on the sixth form corridoor.
Up a few steps from herer was the next landing. Immediately in front of the asceding person at this point was the door to the washrooms and on the left of this (perpendicular to it) the door to the loos on that landing. Both of these rooms looked north.
Turning right on the same landing one saw the door to the sixth form corridoor. Juniors were only allowed to go into this area in order to have a shower.
The washrooms were constructed in the military style. One could perhaps say this for the whole building. Again it was an austere place, lacking in privacy. there were probably about 10 basins in it on either side of the room. The room was long and rectangular with basins opposite the door. The door was on one of the long sides of the room where the basins were - so this side had fewer basins. At the end of the room were some exposed metal bars for hanging towels. These were hot and another hot pipe ran through the room under some of the basins, making it thus a warmer room than the dormitories.
It was not a pleasant place. It had the same hard square metal white windows as for teh rest of the rooms described. Also it was north facing and dark. However I do not associate this area as one where the bullying or fear atmosphere was so strong - unlike the dormitories. Only when the "water game" was played do I remember this place as havingmore sinister associations.
Going up the central staircase there was a first landing - off from this came (1) the dormitory for the third years and second years and (2)a small room on the side (looking south) which was for a sixth former. This latter room was considered the worst room to have for the sixth former as it was not on the sixth form corridoor.
Up a few steps from herer was the next landing. Immediately in front of the asceding person at this point was the door to the washrooms and on the left of this (perpendicular to it) the door to the loos on that landing. Both of these rooms looked north.
Turning right on the same landing one saw the door to the sixth form corridoor. Juniors were only allowed to go into this area in order to have a shower.
The washrooms were constructed in the military style. One could perhaps say this for the whole building. Again it was an austere place, lacking in privacy. there were probably about 10 basins in it on either side of the room. The room was long and rectangular with basins opposite the door. The door was on one of the long sides of the room where the basins were - so this side had fewer basins. At the end of the room were some exposed metal bars for hanging towels. These were hot and another hot pipe ran through the room under some of the basins, making it thus a warmer room than the dormitories.
It was not a pleasant place. It had the same hard square metal white windows as for teh rest of the rooms described. Also it was north facing and dark. However I do not associate this area as one where the bullying or fear atmosphere was so strong - unlike the dormitories. Only when the "water game" was played do I remember this place as havingmore sinister associations.
Thursday, 25 October 2007
Internal Architecture - The Dormitories
When I arrived I had to go up two flights of stairs to get to my dormitory.
It had two heavy wooden swinging doors at the entrance. these were swung backwards during the day so that the dormitory was viewable from the staircase / landing.
Inside was a large room in the shape of a rectangle it had large metal white windows on both sides of its length (looking north and south) and a door at the far end which could be used for fire escape. Either side of this door were two large windows looking west, under which were two single beds.
Stark white lights hung from the ceiling. At each corner of the room was a single bed with quite a lot of space around it. these were the beds of the "dorm pigs". They had space privileges and were also allowed to have a small desk at their bed space area. they effectively had more privacy. When I arrived I found that from these areas arose the aura of menace, the menace of the bully.
In the middle of the dormitory were the beds for the first years and about one third of the second years. there were about 20 boys sleeping in this dorm.
There was so little space for such a large number of boys that the juniors were put in bunk beds. there must have been some eight of these containing 16 children. It was from a top bunk bed that I remememebr watching the torch lights flashing as a first year tried to make it across the dorm without being spotted.
Next to the bunk beds we each had a dull brown coloured chest of drawers for our clothes. In these dormitories there was no privacy for the juniors. we could never escape the eyes of all the others. Anyone could approach me to bully physically or mock and there was no place to which to escape to an intimate area. The dormitory was a place where a boy was under constant scrutiny from the others.
Perhaps that was a key part of the misery of the Goring experience - there was no intimacy possible, as there was no intimate space.
The floor of the dorm was the same as that of the common room - thin dull coloured wood planking. The dorm was a cold hard place. I remember it as physically cold. Above the large main windows were smaller windows which could be opened by pulling a string that hung down. This swung them open so that the small window pane was in the horizontal. These were mostly left open ensuring that the room was aired - and often cold.
Although they had a large south facing side, I cannot remember those dormitories ever having sun in them.
It had two heavy wooden swinging doors at the entrance. these were swung backwards during the day so that the dormitory was viewable from the staircase / landing.
Inside was a large room in the shape of a rectangle it had large metal white windows on both sides of its length (looking north and south) and a door at the far end which could be used for fire escape. Either side of this door were two large windows looking west, under which were two single beds.
Stark white lights hung from the ceiling. At each corner of the room was a single bed with quite a lot of space around it. these were the beds of the "dorm pigs". They had space privileges and were also allowed to have a small desk at their bed space area. they effectively had more privacy. When I arrived I found that from these areas arose the aura of menace, the menace of the bully.
In the middle of the dormitory were the beds for the first years and about one third of the second years. there were about 20 boys sleeping in this dorm.
There was so little space for such a large number of boys that the juniors were put in bunk beds. there must have been some eight of these containing 16 children. It was from a top bunk bed that I remememebr watching the torch lights flashing as a first year tried to make it across the dorm without being spotted.
Next to the bunk beds we each had a dull brown coloured chest of drawers for our clothes. In these dormitories there was no privacy for the juniors. we could never escape the eyes of all the others. Anyone could approach me to bully physically or mock and there was no place to which to escape to an intimate area. The dormitory was a place where a boy was under constant scrutiny from the others.
Perhaps that was a key part of the misery of the Goring experience - there was no intimacy possible, as there was no intimate space.
The floor of the dorm was the same as that of the common room - thin dull coloured wood planking. The dorm was a cold hard place. I remember it as physically cold. Above the large main windows were smaller windows which could be opened by pulling a string that hung down. This swung them open so that the small window pane was in the horizontal. These were mostly left open ensuring that the room was aired - and often cold.
Although they had a large south facing side, I cannot remember those dormitories ever having sun in them.
Monday, 22 October 2007
Internal house architecture - the staircase
Up that hard square staircase and I came to the grimmest place of all - the dormitories.
A little more on the staircase. I remember it as a key area of emotional bleakness and fear. It was an area where I was forced to pass by many persons who filled me with fear - large, threatening. There was no escape. It led to and from doleful places and shared in this dolefulness.
I remember in my first year one of the fourth years approaching me, he descending, I ascending. He was a boy with an especially threatening look in his eye. I remember his hair as being black and stiff, cut short in a "flat top". Around him was a sense of menace. He seemed very large but that was due to my small size at the time (I have seen him since and he is not a large man). I was passing him on the stairs when suddenly he turned to me and with considerable violence yanked me up to his level by jabbing his fingers under my armpits and gripping my body. He thrust me against the wall and said, with venom, "you little rat". Then he let go and walked away. His doing this had no precedent - in general the sixth formers had no doings with the juniors (third years and below).
One of the threats of the bullies was to grab a victim (normally a first year) and hold him upside down by his legs over the staircase from the top floor. We were told that in the past the person doing this would drop the child and another big boy would catch him at the level of the next floor down (so that he did not hit the bottom and break his neck). I do not remember the 'dropping' ever happening
All the way through my time at Goring that staircase was a place of foreboding and I tried to ascend and descend it without delay. I think if I smelt it now it would bring back many mournful memories.
So to the dormitories...
A little more on the staircase. I remember it as a key area of emotional bleakness and fear. It was an area where I was forced to pass by many persons who filled me with fear - large, threatening. There was no escape. It led to and from doleful places and shared in this dolefulness.
I remember in my first year one of the fourth years approaching me, he descending, I ascending. He was a boy with an especially threatening look in his eye. I remember his hair as being black and stiff, cut short in a "flat top". Around him was a sense of menace. He seemed very large but that was due to my small size at the time (I have seen him since and he is not a large man). I was passing him on the stairs when suddenly he turned to me and with considerable violence yanked me up to his level by jabbing his fingers under my armpits and gripping my body. He thrust me against the wall and said, with venom, "you little rat". Then he let go and walked away. His doing this had no precedent - in general the sixth formers had no doings with the juniors (third years and below).
One of the threats of the bullies was to grab a victim (normally a first year) and hold him upside down by his legs over the staircase from the top floor. We were told that in the past the person doing this would drop the child and another big boy would catch him at the level of the next floor down (so that he did not hit the bottom and break his neck). I do not remember the 'dropping' ever happening
All the way through my time at Goring that staircase was a place of foreboding and I tried to ascend and descend it without delay. I think if I smelt it now it would bring back many mournful memories.
So to the dormitories...
The House building - internal architecture, ground floor
The atmosphere in the school, and above all in the house, was of something grim, hard, a place where compassion had no place.
I remember it so strongly in those early days: the wooden floor of the front entrance area with its thin, colourless planking, the harsh smell of rugby boots in the boot room next to the main door, the square, hard staircase leading up to the dormitories, the white-painted metal frames of the large rectangular windows of the refectory.
The entrance to the house was north facing and was thus mostly in shadow. On this side came out the smells of the kitchen. And so I was greeted by a grim, grey edifice over three stories rising from the hill, smelling of grease.
The lights in the house were not comforting. I remember no soft light in the house, no soft light to be seen as one approached the building.
Probably the most human (humane?) room of the house was that of the housemaster. It had darker brown wood, many books on its shelves, a large fine work desk, a pleasant coffee table, a mellow lamp on the same desk where the housemaster sat.
However it was not a large room and there were only select times when we were allowed in it (eg just after lunch). Also the sesne of pressure at being in the same room with the housemaster made being there uncomfortable for this reason. After all it was the place where punishments were given out etc.
And there was the ever present boy-culture-peer-pressure which would never have allowed a boy to have spent much of his available time in the room of the housemaster - unless he had a very strong character (this is a general qualification of these memoirs - I hardly ever came across such a person).
The Common room was large and I would say without atmosphere. It was a large rectangle wherein all the boys could fit (for prayers, house meetings etc.). As in the rest of the house the lights were harsh, strong white lights in the ceiling. I remember no lamp. There was a Television in the far corner from the entrance door. The boys were allowed to switch this on and watch it after lunch before games (at c 1.30 pm - 2 pm) and after supper (at c 8.30 pm) until prayers at 9.30 pm.
The room had no attraction as a room. It was not cosy, it was not private. It only made sense to be there for house meetings and to watch television. I remember it as a peculiarly comfortless place
The refectory did not have pleasant architecture. However, after the housemaster's room, it was one the most pleasant room to be in. This was for one reason. It was south facing and had large windows that let in a lot of light. The high emotional pressure of meal times in the first year meant that it was a very unpleasant place at that time. But I remember a few pleasant meals there in my last year. The tables were plain but the top table, where the housemaster and the top year sat was, if I remember rightly, a more noble piece of wood and had some nice ornaments associated with the housemaster.
I remember it so strongly in those early days: the wooden floor of the front entrance area with its thin, colourless planking, the harsh smell of rugby boots in the boot room next to the main door, the square, hard staircase leading up to the dormitories, the white-painted metal frames of the large rectangular windows of the refectory.
The entrance to the house was north facing and was thus mostly in shadow. On this side came out the smells of the kitchen. And so I was greeted by a grim, grey edifice over three stories rising from the hill, smelling of grease.
The lights in the house were not comforting. I remember no soft light in the house, no soft light to be seen as one approached the building.
Probably the most human (humane?) room of the house was that of the housemaster. It had darker brown wood, many books on its shelves, a large fine work desk, a pleasant coffee table, a mellow lamp on the same desk where the housemaster sat.
However it was not a large room and there were only select times when we were allowed in it (eg just after lunch). Also the sesne of pressure at being in the same room with the housemaster made being there uncomfortable for this reason. After all it was the place where punishments were given out etc.
And there was the ever present boy-culture-peer-pressure which would never have allowed a boy to have spent much of his available time in the room of the housemaster - unless he had a very strong character (this is a general qualification of these memoirs - I hardly ever came across such a person).
The Common room was large and I would say without atmosphere. It was a large rectangle wherein all the boys could fit (for prayers, house meetings etc.). As in the rest of the house the lights were harsh, strong white lights in the ceiling. I remember no lamp. There was a Television in the far corner from the entrance door. The boys were allowed to switch this on and watch it after lunch before games (at c 1.30 pm - 2 pm) and after supper (at c 8.30 pm) until prayers at 9.30 pm.
The room had no attraction as a room. It was not cosy, it was not private. It only made sense to be there for house meetings and to watch television. I remember it as a peculiarly comfortless place
The refectory did not have pleasant architecture. However, after the housemaster's room, it was one the most pleasant room to be in. This was for one reason. It was south facing and had large windows that let in a lot of light. The high emotional pressure of meal times in the first year meant that it was a very unpleasant place at that time. But I remember a few pleasant meals there in my last year. The tables were plain but the top table, where the housemaster and the top year sat was, if I remember rightly, a more noble piece of wood and had some nice ornaments associated with the housemaster.
Saturday, 20 October 2007
Bullying at lunch
At house meals each year sat on a different table. However on the first year table one of the dorm monitors was also positioned. I think this must have been to "keep order".
Another opportunity to impose horrible doings on persons smaller and junior to that monitor was thus presented.
The nastiest of these bullies was Matt Pennington. To me at the time he was huge. He was perhaps six foot. I think I saw him inflict cruelty first hand more than any other.
One of his favourite tricks was to make the first years eat horrible things at the table.
I remember one lunch he took a glass of water (half-filled), then added mash potatoe and half a dispenser of white pepper and some other horrible things and mixed this all together. He then made one of the first years drink this.
I remember watching, horrified. The concoction seemed to me one which would force one to vomit straight away (I have always hated that school white pepper). I remember longing for the bell to ring for the end of lunch to end another torture session.
Another opportunity to impose horrible doings on persons smaller and junior to that monitor was thus presented.
The nastiest of these bullies was Matt Pennington. To me at the time he was huge. He was perhaps six foot. I think I saw him inflict cruelty first hand more than any other.
One of his favourite tricks was to make the first years eat horrible things at the table.
I remember one lunch he took a glass of water (half-filled), then added mash potatoe and half a dispenser of white pepper and some other horrible things and mixed this all together. He then made one of the first years drink this.
I remember watching, horrified. The concoction seemed to me one which would force one to vomit straight away (I have always hated that school white pepper). I remember longing for the bell to ring for the end of lunch to end another torture session.
Friday, 19 October 2007
Bullying - The Water Game
I remember one of the night time bullying rituals was when the dorm pigs forced the first years to play "the Water Game".
One night one of the main bullies picked out 4 first year boys and led them to the washing basins which was close to the dorms. Among them was one of my friends, Giles, who was neither square nor try hard nor lad (more on him later).
Lights out had not happened and I passed through the wash room when the "game" had started. Each boy was given a mug of water and made to drink it. Then, having drunk the first he was given a second. This carried on until the boy was so full of water that he was forced to vomit. When three of the four had vomited (each in turn dropping out) then the last one, who had not as yet vomited, was declared the winner.
My friend, Giles, was the first to drop out. He was sick after 'only' 5 mugs - and considered soft for vomitting so soon. The rest carried on. I think the last vomit hapened at 13 or 14 mugs.
I wonder what effect this had on the body. The boy who won was not considered the most fortunate as he spent most of the night sleepless, due to being up urinating.
Again, although this happened many times, I was never picked out for the "Water Game" but always watched in horror.
One night one of the main bullies picked out 4 first year boys and led them to the washing basins which was close to the dorms. Among them was one of my friends, Giles, who was neither square nor try hard nor lad (more on him later).
Lights out had not happened and I passed through the wash room when the "game" had started. Each boy was given a mug of water and made to drink it. Then, having drunk the first he was given a second. This carried on until the boy was so full of water that he was forced to vomit. When three of the four had vomited (each in turn dropping out) then the last one, who had not as yet vomited, was declared the winner.
My friend, Giles, was the first to drop out. He was sick after 'only' 5 mugs - and considered soft for vomitting so soon. The rest carried on. I think the last vomit hapened at 13 or 14 mugs.
I wonder what effect this had on the body. The boy who won was not considered the most fortunate as he spent most of the night sleepless, due to being up urinating.
Again, although this happened many times, I was never picked out for the "Water Game" but always watched in horror.
The bullies liked to bully the 'toughs'
As I was only a wee weekie type, I was not, as I noted before, singled out for the harsher bullying.
I remember that this was true for all the "squares" / "nerds" type boys. I seemed to have found myself as among these.
In fact the "lads" were especially singled out for punishment.
It showed that they were tough to be able to endure it.
It ensured the tradition - they were always told "you will do this when you are third years"
The bullies had little fear that these boys would ever "grass" - as this was the ultimate uncool thing to do.
I remember that this was true for all the "squares" / "nerds" type boys. I seemed to have found myself as among these.
In fact the "lads" were especially singled out for punishment.
It showed that they were tough to be able to endure it.
It ensured the tradition - they were always told "you will do this when you are third years"
The bullies had little fear that these boys would ever "grass" - as this was the ultimate uncool thing to do.
We were hit at night, every night
[First term]
When it came to lights out, the dorm pigs would come round to hit each one of us first years in turn.
Here, despite my smallness, I did not escape and received my punch along with the rest. I do not, however, remember this as having the particular horror of the other bullying treatments.
One of the dorm pigs used to ask us where we would like to be hit. I always took it on the left arm, near the shoulder.
Amongst this cruelty - a hilarious moment. One of our year - a very large, well built boy - with a decent layering of tub on him - asked to be punch on the bottom. The punch landed and had no impact at all. His bottom perfectly absorbed the blow, without pain. If you think about it, it works - a punch to a flabby bottom won't do much harm. After that we were not allowed to request to be punched in this area.
When it came to lights out, the dorm pigs would come round to hit each one of us first years in turn.
Here, despite my smallness, I did not escape and received my punch along with the rest. I do not, however, remember this as having the particular horror of the other bullying treatments.
One of the dorm pigs used to ask us where we would like to be hit. I always took it on the left arm, near the shoulder.
Amongst this cruelty - a hilarious moment. One of our year - a very large, well built boy - with a decent layering of tub on him - asked to be punch on the bottom. The punch landed and had no impact at all. His bottom perfectly absorbed the blow, without pain. If you think about it, it works - a punch to a flabby bottom won't do much harm. After that we were not allowed to request to be punched in this area.
First few weeks, bullying after lights out
And how did I fit in to all this, having just arrived?
My prevailing emotion was fear. I saw the huge boys in the house and feared their capacity for cruelty. I saw the boys in my year and feared that they would only want to mock me. I sometimes wonder whether these things therefore became a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Because they came true.
I was alien and seemed to have no way of fitting in. In my previous school there was no real culture to fit in to. I simply had no experience of needing to fit in to a group culture in this way.
I felt very alone.
Then came the bullying. It started to be felt most in the dormitories. It happened after lights out at 1015. At this point the dormitory doors were shut and the dorm became under the rule of the "dorm pigs".
The bullies were the dorm captains (dorm pigs). In our dorm of 20 boys there were 3 or 4 of these boys from the third year. They were most of them very big compared to me and my first year peers.
I remember one of the favourite forms of bullying was that selected first years (or one selected first year boy) was made to try to get from one end of the dorm to the other without being spotted by the "spotlight" of the dorm pigs' torches. I remember looking down from my bed (I was on a top bunk) in terror as one of my peers tried to achieve this feat. If he was caught he was given a beating. I think most were caught.
I must note at this point that I was never singled out for especial punishment / bullying of this kind. It was my position to be observer. I was tiny when I reached goring - only 4 foot 10 and the bullies clearly feared that i would not withstand the punishment - due to my smallness and weakness.
I looked on, and in so doing I was miserable. I hated it. It filled me with fear and horror. Perhaps if it had happened to me it might have been better. But I only prayed it would stop.
I have been told since that to observe the infliction of cruel (physical) treatment on another is more psychologically hurtful than receivng it directly (obviously within certain limits).
Every night I went to bed trembling with fear, hating that time.
My prevailing emotion was fear. I saw the huge boys in the house and feared their capacity for cruelty. I saw the boys in my year and feared that they would only want to mock me. I sometimes wonder whether these things therefore became a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Because they came true.
I was alien and seemed to have no way of fitting in. In my previous school there was no real culture to fit in to. I simply had no experience of needing to fit in to a group culture in this way.
I felt very alone.
Then came the bullying. It started to be felt most in the dormitories. It happened after lights out at 1015. At this point the dormitory doors were shut and the dorm became under the rule of the "dorm pigs".
The bullies were the dorm captains (dorm pigs). In our dorm of 20 boys there were 3 or 4 of these boys from the third year. They were most of them very big compared to me and my first year peers.
I remember one of the favourite forms of bullying was that selected first years (or one selected first year boy) was made to try to get from one end of the dorm to the other without being spotted by the "spotlight" of the dorm pigs' torches. I remember looking down from my bed (I was on a top bunk) in terror as one of my peers tried to achieve this feat. If he was caught he was given a beating. I think most were caught.
I must note at this point that I was never singled out for especial punishment / bullying of this kind. It was my position to be observer. I was tiny when I reached goring - only 4 foot 10 and the bullies clearly feared that i would not withstand the punishment - due to my smallness and weakness.
I looked on, and in so doing I was miserable. I hated it. It filled me with fear and horror. Perhaps if it had happened to me it might have been better. But I only prayed it would stop.
I have been told since that to observe the infliction of cruel (physical) treatment on another is more psychologically hurtful than receivng it directly (obviously within certain limits).
Every night I went to bed trembling with fear, hating that time.
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